Insensate.

27. Darkness; The Fetus.

I listened to this while making the chapter (along with Last days of Summer by krobak). Bear with the start, it gets more intense, and intense. The ending is my favorite.

TW: Intense emotions of Grief, guilt, regret, and a sense of longing.

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I faced the darkness with a determined face. Well, forced determination. But either way, I was proud of myself for coming this way. If I could learn about the others, then I could do this. I believe in myself, and my abilities.

I took the first step, and almost instantly, a dreadful feeling came crashing onto my mind, my psychical body dropping on the floor. I tried standing up, but my arms failed each time. Mustering up the courage I thought I had earlier, I force my body to crawl towards the Darkness.

This was strange, no one would willingly crawl towards the darkness. But I knew I had to. It was a sign, that I've gotten stronger.

I should be running away, without sending glances behind me. And yet, I crawled towards the Darkness, with a sense of longing and wanting to accept something. No longer BEING okay with Denial. I wanted to accept, but it was too much. 

The Woe, the Wrath, and the Wistfulness.

They all came tumbling after me, but I knew that those weren't my emotions. 

Sebastian, and the Fetus.

Tears welled up in my eyes, I turned my body around with little power, and I attempted to careen away, but I was unable to do so, when a black slimy substance attached itself on my body. Locking itself around my wrists, ankles, and neck, it dragged me towards the Darkness. 

And my mind gave up.

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 Voices.

Whispers.

I screeched, clawing at my ears, begging for the loud, painful, whispers to stop. It wasn't just the whispers, it was the emotions that overwhelmed me so much. How could this be? 

How could it have all turned out this way? It wasn't fair, to me, to Marie, to Elmer, and to the Fetus. I ask myself, day and night, would the Fetus have been a girl? A boy? Either way, I would have loved them regardless. 

Why has it come to this? Everything was fine.. Why did she have to fall in love with me? Why couldn't I have been honest to her from the start? I should've told her.

Now my Lover is dead, my child is dead, and so am I.

Was this my Fate? My destiny? But what did I do to deserve this? What?

Day and night,

I ask myself, when will it end? Roaming around, as a confused Soul. Lingering around the house, lingering around Marie's grave, and longing to hold her baby bump. Craving to hear the heartbeats of the healthy baby. Knowing that my blood died at the hands of my friend, died because of the stupid decisions I made due to Fear.

Forgive me, my child, It wasn't supposed to end like this. I miss you, I wish my last moments were with you.

I miss you,

I miss you,

I want you back,

I really do,

The screeching intensified, turning into screams, and pleads. I wanted for it to end, I really did. I clawed and clawed at my ears, punching at my throat, and pulling at my hair. Uncanny faces, rotten and musty bodies clouded my vision. Disappeared in a split second. I was in Terror, unable to breathe, and move. 

The fear made me motionless, but at the same time drove me to overcome my fear. I was strong, a lot stronger than I thought.

Blood ran down my ears, my throat itched in the inside, whenever I swallowed down, it throbbed and hurt very badly. My scalp burned, but I used those emotions that filled me up, and I fought back. Stepping forward, I ignored the Uncanny faces that continued to walk towards me stronger. I prayed to the Lord for strength, I had faith that I could do this. 

If I chose to not do something about the fear, then I wouldn't be able to move forward with my life. But I knew, and wanted to do something about it. So I did.

I shrieked, my vocal chords burned, I gargled, blood in my throat. I raised my hands, and I pushed forward. I could do this. "GET AWAY!!" I screamed continuously. 

I came in contact, with something that looked like the Fetus. I lifted my hand up, longing to touch.. Her. Yes, her. 

Her heart wasn't beating until I touched her, and something flourished through me. 

Acceptance. 

A little girl's voice resonated throughout the Darkness,

"..Daddy, I miss you, I know you miss me too, but you have to forgive yourself. I love you, and I always will."

The darkness that turned into Light. 

And my eyes fluttered open.