Insensate.

33. Preparations.

∞

"Joseph.." He began slowly, "What were the conditions?" He asked.

I started to panic, it was a very big deal to me. And the theory I had was making things worse. I wasn't sure if I had to do something more than kisses, or love him more. But how would I do so? He needs my energy, and the only way to do so would be the latter. It's not that I didn't want to do it, it's just that I didn't want to be forced.. Meaningless.

Something like that meant a lot to me. Giving yourself away to someone you trust, 'love', you name it, even though most of the time people weren't doing so. So, this was a big deal to me.

I knew he could tap into my thoughts, but I wanted to explain it to him with words.

I was so shamedfaced, how could I have made such a rash decision, without knowing if he'd be okay with it? I sheepishly, and remorsefully spoke. "You need energy, and I.. I said it'd resurrect you in under twenty four hours, or else you'd belong to the dead, right?"

He nodded slowly, his eyes shimmered with realization, but he allowed me to explain. Making matters worse,

I blushed, tears welled up in my eyes. "My theory was.. To have Sex." I got out, swallowing down the lump in my throat, I firmly said. "But.. I don't want it to be meaningless, and.. And I should've thought about what you wanted instead of making rash decisions."

I paced around, mumbling under my breath. "..I don't even know how to do it.. I never thought I would do such a thing.. And yet here I am, twenty seven years later. How stupid could I have been, why—"

Someone cleared their throat, causing me to look up. Sebastian pressed a hand against his lips that were perked up, hiding his excitement. His eyes were closed, and as he took a long time to compose himself. "..I guess it can't be helped.." I had a feeling he was pretending to be calm about it, due to the way the corners of his lips perked up without any control, and the way his eyes hinted at something far too dirty for my liking.

"..Are you okay with this? Okay with doing something like that with me?" I asked, seeming insecure. He walked towards me, kissing my cheeks, he rubbed his nose against my mine— An Eskimo kiss. I giggled like a little child as it tickled me.

Sebastian lowly answered, sure of himself. "I love you.. Even breathing with you is more than Okay— It's everything I could ever ask for."

My lips perked down into a downwards smile as my eyebrows furrowed, a sad smile, a sad expression. He worriedly moved his thumb in a soothing pace, "What's wrong?"

I feel so sad all of a sudden, "How is it possible to love someone so much, and be loved so dearly in return? It feels too much, as if I don't deserve it." As if I was rewarded because of nothing.. But I knew that wasn't true. I deserved this, him, and so did he.

He kissed me passionately, "..You know that is not true... buttercup, I love you too much, it's unreal. How did things get like this?"

I shrugged, kissing him back, "..I don't know, but I'm glad it did.." I wrapped my arms around his neck, biting his lip, I tug on it and he groaned out my name. His fingertips poked the fabric at my waist deeply, and I could feel how he was itching to tear it off from me.

"You drive me crazy, Buttercup." His tongue explored my mouth, inviting a weird taste, must be the substance, but I ignored it. Wait..

I couldn't ignore it, that reminded me of myself!! I need to get ready, clean myself and such. Only to make sure that I'm clean, that I smell good, and that I'm good to go. I lift my hands up, gently pressing them against his shoulders to push him away.

He shockingly stares at me, "..Something wrong?"

I sheepishly glance away, "..I n-need some time for myself before we can continue.." Translation: I need to make sure I'm clean enough, that I smell good, and that I'm good to go.

One of his eyebrow twitched, as he intensively stared at me. "..Alright."

I ran away, escaping from his inspecting stare. My mind set on cleaning myself thoroughly!

I was both nervous, and excited. But mostly excitement.

∞

No one's pov.

Joseph stepped out of the shower, body fresh and still wet from the water. An hour had gone by, he looked at himself in the mirror, wondering what Sebastian was doing right now.

But he too was preparing himself.

Joseph brushed his teeth thoroughly, washing his face, he made sure he looked presentable. Using the blow-dryer, Joseph dried his hair. This felt weird, preparing himself to do.. But it was for the greater good! He thought, trying to make the idea of it seem okay.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that, they weren't married. It was considered... Strange to do these things unmarried.

But.. Sebastian was like a Lover, if that made anything better, Joseph didn't know.

Sebastian on the other hand, was washing himself as well. He drowned himself in the perfume Joseph adored. Leaving a few strands of hair on his forehead, he checked his teeth, and tongue after brushing them, making sure they were spotless, and clean. Feeling confident, clean, and a bit nervous, Sebastian walked out.

This wasn't his first time, and yet he felt so nervous. But he was certain that had something to do, with his Love for Joseph.

∞

December 3.
1am.

Joseph's pov.

We haven't eaten at all. I already cooked up a few things for dinner, only to find out that it was one in the morning. We both cleaned up very nicely, only to find out that it was one in the morning.

I had a look of regret on my face, had I been to eager? I have enough time, and yet I've rushed things. I was just so eager, nervous so I had to make sure that I looked the part. Had to make sure that I was clean. And I still haven't the slightest Idea on how it works between two.. Men.

Sebastian sat in front of me, fork and a knife in his grasp. Eyes boring into my eyes that begged to look anywhere else but his eyes.

Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I shifted around uncomfortable, and the way his eyes took in my every movement, only heightened it. Every little breath intake, his eyes flickered down to my lips. Every bit to my lower lip, he mirrored it, eyes glued into my lips. While I used my hands to cut my food and put the fork in my mouth, chewing slowly on the vegetables, he would watch my hands, a smirk on his face, as if pondering on what I was capable of doing with my hands. Licking his lips as I brought the fork to my lips, chewing slowly on the delicious meat.

My stomach churned, and I could feel the excitement he emitted. Eating slowly, and rather sensually, as he made full eye contact with me. A threat lingering in those grey eyes of his, if I dared to avert my gaze and pay no mind to his obvious flirting.

Eventually, we finished eating. I brought the plates and the cutlery to the sink, that's when I realized that It wasn't in my mind to wash the dishes. I had something else, or rather, someone else in my mind. Sebastian waited patiently, back leaning against the counter and his hands pressed against the edges, a calculative expression on his face, as his eyes roamed all around my body.

Giving me a once over, he paused, waiting for me to walk. And I did. I stepped up the stairs, with him following me. I gulped with anticipation when I walked inside of my room,

And I heard the door shut.