MILF.

TWENTY-NINE

ONIKA MARAJ

I had finally got to the point in maturity where I could handle a breakup like an adult.

I wasn't going out and getting overly drunk to ignore everything I had going on, I wasn't talking shit about her to my friends, and most importantly, I wasn't checking up on Bey.

It had only been a couple weeks but starting my internship brought back structure that I had been missing from school. The money was also a great motivator.

Bey tried to reach out to me after they came back but I wasn't trying to hear it. As promised, she got me a flight for the afternoon after all that happened and I didn't say anything to her except letting her know that I landed safely.

She sent me a couple gifts but material shit wasn't going to fix anything. Bey has really good taste, that's one thing I'll give her. 

I also had a bunch of cute stuff to wear to my internship. My favorite so far was my Van Cleef bracelet.  Despite everything Bey and I had going on, my friendship with Gigi was getting even stronger.

She was teaching me how to drive and it was going well. It was part of my journey to complete independence and maturity.

One day after a driving lesson, we went back to my place to lay on my couch and rot. Baddies was our new obsession.

Something about the show made her start quietly laughing. "My mom would lose her mind if she saw you with someone else."

"Literally start crashing out." I love that though. "The thing is, I don't think I could be with anyone else. Earlier in the relationship I would have no problem throwing someone in her face to make her jealous but I don't think I would anymore."

She laughed, "You're an old lady now. It's cute, I guess."

The realization made me groan. She wasn't lying. "I'm fucking ancient." I didn't know how I was going to act when I actually got old if this is how I was acting now. "Your mom made me boring."

"In all seriousness, when are you going to forgive my mom? Because we know you're going to."

I grabbed the remote off the coffee table to pause the show since we were more into the conversation than it. "I mean, I love her and I can't see myself with anyone else right now but we broke up for a reason. I don't care how much I love her, I'm not going to let her continue to disrespect me in our relationship and no change or barely even an apology that isn't monetary."

She chuckled, "I know I used to complain about it but the apology gifts always eat."

I had to laugh too. "She never misses, I hate it. I can't even throw the shit away because it'll be shit I had on my pinterest board I was going to buy for myself when I get rich. But I feel like that's part of a problem."

"No, I get exactly what you mean. You can't even tell if she's actually sorry or just throwing money at the problem so you can get over it. At some point, it gets frustrating."

"And when I'm not even asking her for all that, all I want is for her to not be in her exes face or crossing boundaries I've set. The literal bare minimum."

"In her defense, the thing with my dad isn't a regular thing. It's not like they're flirting and all that other stuff every time they see each other. One thing I'm learning in therapy is to just meet people where they're at. I'm not saying to let shit slide but I think you have to let people make mistakes and just be a little empathetic because you know you've made some mistakes too."

This conversation got deep. "Part of me agrees and I know her heart but the other part of me just can't tolerate that. I don't want to forgive her and it happens more than once, with a different person." I shrugged. "Anything could happen once you open that window."