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Lët Mē Døwñ S[ôw]y

Writing in his diary with a bottle of pills with an open cap and a bunch of dying flowers on the other side of his desk wasn't probably the best idea for Jim. That's when the hallucination starts before he takes another set of pills. A british voice came just in time to stop him...

#Hallucinating #Death #Angst #Jimxie #Archie #Pills #Douxie #Suicide #I. Am. Not. Sorry. ig.

... ... ... ...

...It's obvious that he hasn't been keeping track of the days as he writes within the book before him. Bags under his eyes present as he scribbles away...

Claire came by yesterday. Saying she just wanted to check up on me. But we both know the truth behind it. They all do. Mom's been more concerned about me lately. After-- well, 'the accident' as everyone likes to put it. 'Cause it seems easier to say it that way, but it only makes matters worse when all I try to do is forget and move on from it. Back to Mom though, she's been trying to reach out to her boss to give her some days off because her 'son needs more attention'. At this point everything's turning to shit. On the bright side though I had gotten a new bunch of blue flowers from Claire- he stops to eye the pretty blue petals before joining pen with paper again- I do love their colour, but they're getting too hard to take care of. I know they'll soon become part of the trash like the rest of 'em. This has been all for my last entry.. Goodbye...

He sighs into his chair and flops the pen down into the book. His blue eyes travel to the left side of his study desk at the orange bottle of pills. He remembers that he took some the morning like he always does. Not having to read the bottle he had only gulped them down with some water. Though he's sure that it's that same bottle of pills he usually takes, what could go wrong from all that time.

The trollhunter slumps in his spinning chair. Turning it from side to side a little, while he looks up at his cabinet. That had all he's medications. That had become his routine to take two a day.

Depending on the circumstances.

Was he really going to do this though? His mom's at work, no one texted about coming over so... This is what he took as an opportunity. Not giving it a second thought he slips from his chair and lifts a hand to open the cabinet. Starting to push other bottles and pills aside.

Jim knew what he was doing and when he placed that specific bottle at the back of the small storage space. If others saw it they would think of it as unsuspectful because it blended in with the rest of the others perfectly. But for him, he knew it like the back of his hand.

He's thought about it a number of times, since... he passed away. The accident. Shaking those thoughts away, he picks up the bottle he's been looking for. No more thinking Jim, just, do, it...

Sitting into his chair after taking out a fresh water bottle, he begins to turn the cap of the little container. Only, he stops his movements when he hears a sound. Curiously, he turns looking around his room until he meets his untidy bed. A cat had just appeared- no, spawned in his room. Sitting on his bed, black back turned as it's tail flicked from here to there. Slowly getting up with a frown to inspect the scene, he caustiously sat on his bed. The boy reached a hand out for the creature and calmly started to pet it.

They seemed friendly enough when it started to cuddle up in the boys palm and light purrs of content erupted from it. Jim smiled at this sign picking up the cat as lighly as possible. Making it face him. His eyes widened at the creature that now sat in his lap. Face revealed to be- "Archie- but I thought you- I..." he stopped with eyes shutting and shaking his head. So when he looked back down again, there was no sign of the furball. What was going on? He thought to himself, all he needed to do was take the pills and sleep with a never ending promise to be awoken. To rest, in peace. Finally.

Rushing back at the table he told himself that he needed to do this, now. Maybe then he'd get to see his long lost lover again... Yes. He smiled, that would be great. Removing the cap he threw out some pills, not caring how many there were. He just needed it to work. Because living on this cruel plane any longer without the love that got ripped from him in such a short time, wasn't worth it. And if anything, he was waste to the human populaion anyway. So why not be done with it.

This was really it...

"I love you Mom.. Am sorry...'' he sadly whispered. He was ready this time. Bringing the hand to his lips slowy, he- "Don't do this..." the boy froze. By the voice, by the chill to his spine, he wasn't sure why. He closed his eyes tight, hoping that his mind was playing some sort of trick on him, again.  "Jim..." it coudn't- can't- No. It wasn't, it wasn't.

When something came in contact with his shoulder he spun around in surprise to see... "Douxie?..." he asked to thin air. But he swore he felt a hand just a few- "It's me Jim. I'm here." He looked from left to right, but he knew he heard the voice from infront of him. With a little confidence, he reached his hand out. That's when he knew he felt human contact. Fingers, lining up with his. But it felt, faded, somehow. They then made to intertwine there fingers together. Pills long gone and forgotten. Jim huffed a little laugh, eyes almost watering at the unseen touch.

Jim smiled at his hand then at where his lovers face should be. "...Why won't you show yourself?" Jim asked. He then heard a sigh. "I can't Jim and you know why..." the british voice replied. He let his hand go. Moving them as he spoke, "There must still be a way to bring you back, right? I mean- Claire can probably help us... atleast use her shadow somehow- Do you-''

But Douxie stopped his rambling. ''Jim, stop.'' he calmly said. But there was guilt in it. As the other looked up at where he estimated his height at his face. "If there was a way, I'd be back in a heartbeat. But, sadly, there isn't and I know that-''

''No, no no no please, there has to be a way. I cant live, I cant sleep, I can't eat, I can't- I can't, please Douxie. I need you... please..."

He kept repeating that as he sunk to the floor, crying. Feeling that the other had shifted to come down too. This wasn't right. He knew it was out of the others control. Douxie died. How can someone get back from that. But he was here... Not physically, but he was here. Maybe, just maybe...

''Well there probably is one way,'' his head shot up, hopeful.

''What?" hands came to wipe at his tears, then he felt warm lips on his. It wasn't the same but that didn't stop him from leaning into the kiss. He missed this. When they pulled apart and Jim tore his eyes open he saw those damn hazel eyes. Flesh, body and all... "Douxie...?"

#I. Am. Not. Sorry. ig.