baklaan party ● pordee

15

I have been laying on bed, thinking. Doing nothing but thinking ever since my last phone call with Michelle.

I have been staring at my phone for hours now, fighting the urge to pick it up and dial her number.

God why did she have to be this complicated? There's so much things that she isn't telling me, and I know it. I can't keep going around in circles with her. I'm growing weary of it.

I jumped lightly as I see my phone light up, buzzing. I slowly reached for it, hesitating a little, knowing that it could be her.

Dadee♡
Can we talk? I miss you.

I sigh heavily as I bury my face in my pillow, letting out a frustrated muffled scream.

"Fuck it." I muttered under my breath, a surge of courage replacing my initial hesitation.

I picked up my phone abruptly, my fingers unmoved as I just stare at her message for a moment, thinking of what to reply.

After many different attempts of replies, I finally went with a simple "call me" and hit send, crossing my fingers.

Minutes later, her call popped up on WhatsApp. I took a deep breath, composing myself, before pressing the accept button.

"Hey." her low voice, soft.

And just like that, my racing heart completely settled into calmness. How does she manage to soothe my nerves even though she's miles away?

"Hey" I whisper, voice strained as I turn on the lights.

She looks at me, with worried eyes. She must have noticed how horrible I look. I barely slept and my hair is a mess from rolling around the bed. What fun. "Everything okay in there?"

"Yeah. Just chill. You?" I lied.

Hell, it's far from chill. I'm going crazy thinking about you nonstop.

She pauses for a moment, reaching for something out of frame.

She stares at me for a moment before speaking. "Been really boring without you."

I couldn't help but beam at her, smiling. "Not surprised. I bring so much fun in your life."

"Yeah and so much nagging too. Feeling kinda at peace right now, actually. Thank God for that."

"Haha funny." I reply, playfully rolling my eyes.

I stare at her through the screen, suddenly having this longing feeling. We were so inseparable ever since El Salvador and it just feels weird being so far away from her right now. I miss her so much.

She stares at me with the same longing expression through the screen. And I try so hard to stop myself from asking her the question but I couldn't help myself.

"Are we gonna talk about what happened?" I muttered, barely above a whisper.

She pauses, stiffening. I stare at her as her eyes wander, thinking.

I just watched, patiently waiting for a response, not wanting to push her too much.

"I'm too tired for this, Ann." she sighs, fidgetting.

My gaze dropped, slightly hurt.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that." she says.

"Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"I'm not. I'm just- everything's confusing."

"How is it confusing?"

"I don't know."

She looks so guarded and frustrated at the same time. I can feel that she wants to tell me something, but she can’t bring herself to do so.

She sighs heavily. That's when I noticed how tired she looks but she's trying to fight it to talk to me. "You should sleep. It must be really late for you."

"You wanna get rid of me that fast?" she playfully says, pouting.

I smile lightly. "You look tired, Michelle. Just sleep. We can keep the call on."

Her face lits up. "Yeah?"

I nodded. "Carry me over to your bed," I said, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips.

She beamed, rising from her chair and moving towards the bed. She settled in, nestling comfortably into her pillows, as she stares at me through the screen. And I stare back.

"Are we okay?" she asks, on the verge of falling asleep.

Are we?

"Yes." I say, not entirely certain, pausing. "Just sleep, Michelle. We'll talk tomorrow." I say.

Though hesitant, she nods.

I snuggle through my own covers as we were enveloped in a comfortable silence. I feel my own eyes starts to get heavy.

"Night, mommy." I hear her whisper on the other line.

I smiled, watching her drift off to sleep. "Sweet dreams, daddy." I replied softly.

Her face relaxed into a peaceful slumber, and I watch her. If only I could be there, snuggled beside her, as we used to do back in Mexico. The distance between us felt like torture, yet the connection I feel for her still feels as strong as ever, and I don't think any amount of distance can ever change that. Ever.

...

Michelle was boarding on the way home from LA when I last talked to her. She said she'll be updating me once she lands.

I checked the time and it's 1pm. She'll be landing in an hour.

I spent my time just scrolling through my phone as I try to keep my mind off things. I didn't even realize I fell asleep until the vibration of my phone wakes me.

Dadee♡
Just landed 🫡🫡

Her message reflects, making me smile.

Me
:)

Me
Call me when you can.

I typed, knowing she'll be busy being welcomed by her people and catching up with friends and family.

Dadee♡
🫡

I sigh, dropping my phone, thinking about the time I'll get to see her again and all of the unspoken stuff she isn't telling me.

I'm starting to get tired, feeling that she doesn't feel as strongly for me as I thought she did.

I don't know if I can keep doing this.

...

later ulet wait lang kayo 😙😈