baklaan party ● pordee

25

bawi ako next week 😬👊

...

I've hidden in the guest room for hours, avoiding Michelle. It's been so hard to ignore my racing thoughts about our last conversation. I know I'd break into tears if I face her so I'd rather just rot here than come out.

My mind is a million of other things, thinking about how stupid I am to even think that she loves me back.

My heart aches at the memory of how she looked at Celeste. I saw it in her eyes. There was longing. And I know that look too much to mistake it for something else.

A jarring knock on the door interrupts me from my thoughts. I suddenly felt uneasy, not wanting to face Michelle just yet. 

Please don't be Michelle.

The door opens and I let out a sigh of relief when I saw that it was just Rhian.

"Hey" she greets, glancing around the room. "Michelle asked me to check on you."

I tilt my head, blinking, quite stunned. I open my mouth to speak, but I could only mumble a small "hey".

She shuffles awkwardly at my plain reply.

"Can I come in?" she spoke.

I pause, hesitantly nodding.

Sitting on the chair from across the bed, we were enveloped in an awkward silence.

She clears her throat, as she plays with her fingers before finally speaking. "Did you guys have a fight?"

My gaze drops, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "Not really. I don't think she wants to see me now though." I quietly reply, voice low.

"Why?"

"I kinda messed up." I pause, suddenly hesitant, the words catching in my throat. I glance at Rhian's expression and she's looking at me with keen eyes, waiting for me to say more. The unspoken question hang heavy in the air: "How badly?"

For some reason, something in her expression gave it away. She was looking at me with a hint of disappointment and something like pity. I know she knows about what I did. Maybe she saw it online, it's everywhere.

Embarrassment suddenly creeps into me.

God, I really messed up.

"You know, don't you?" I spoke, gaze dropping.

She nods, tensing a little.

A beat of silence.

The apparent wall between us ever since I got here makes sense now. And I can't blame her for that.

"She really likes you, Ann." she spoke, breaking the silence.

"All she ever talked about was you when she got home, and I.... I was really happy for her." Her voice hitched, suddenly sounding more hardened.

"Not until you messed it up."

"I know." I manage to whisper, a dull ache in my chest.

"Are you serious about her?" she asks, looking at me intently, voice laced with plea.

"Of course I am." I instantly reply.

"Then maybe it's time you stopped playing games and decided what you really want. Because if you're just going to hurt her again..." she spoke, voice laced with an edge of protectiveness.

The rest of the sentence hang heavy in the air. I couldn't speak, so she continues.

"If you're just gonna go around kissing other people, you might as well just stop bothering her." she mumbles, quietly. But I caught every word.

And it felt like a punch in the gut.

"You don't get to tell me that." I blurted out, defensive.

Her head snaps, her eyes looking more pointed. "I've seen her at her lowest, Ann. And if you just saw broken she was, you would understand where I'm coming from."

I fall silent.

She stands up, her expression unreadable. "Just go home, Ann." she said, her voice low. "It might as well be for the best."

She leaves. And I'm left there, dumbfounded, her words echoing in my head on loop.

...

I awoke to the feeling of someone gently brushing my hair—it was Michelle. She froze upon realizing I was awake, softly apologizing.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." she mumbles.

Sitting up, I lightly shake my head, reassuring her. "It's fine. What time is it?"

"Like 3 am."

Baffled, I asked. "How are you awake?"

"Can't sleep." she admitted, voice strained.

She looks really tired and I couldn't help myself from gently brushing her face, making her smile.

"Come here." I say, making room beside me.

Looking hesitant, she climbs beside me. "Is this okay?" she asked, her voice laced with hesitation.

"Why wouldn't it be? We do this all the time."

Her gaze drops, sighing. "You know what I mean."

I pause, realizing. "It's fine." I softly spoke, making her relax a little.

We fell into a heavy silence, broken only by each other's breathing which echoed softly in the quiet room.

Recalling a conversation with Rhian earlier, I let out a sigh, fiddling with my ring.

"Just go home, Ann. It might as well be for the best."

Michelle gently touches my hand, interrupting my thoughts. "What are you thinking?" she whispers, her eyes with a hint of concern.

"Do you want me to leave?" I mumble, my mind clouded.

She looks at me stunned. "Of course not." she pauses, brushing my hand. "Why would you say that?"

I shake my head, blinking back tears. "No reason." I say, forcing a chuckle. "Just a random thought."

Worried, she looks at me with brows scrunched, rubbing circles in my hand. "Talk to me."

She continues playing with my hand, watching me as she awaits for my reply.

"Did Rhi say something to you?" she asked, hesitant. I pause, then shook my head.

Doubtful, Michelle insisted. "I know she did, Ann."

My gaze dropped, giving it away.

"I'm sorry. She can be really protective sometimes." she mumbles.

I sigh, nodding lightly. "I understand. She really cares about you."

"Yeah." she mumbles, smiling lightly. "What did she tell you?"

I shake my head, blinking. "It's nothing. I don't care."

She watches me for a moment, before hesitantly nodding, not wanting to push me to talk about it.

"I'm sorry, Ann."

I blink, looking at her confused. "For what?"

She took a moment before speaking.

"For not saying it back." she mumbles, and I almost couldn't hear it.

"You shouldn't apologize for not loving me back, Michelle." I spoke, voice cracking a little.

Her jaw clenches, eyes searching for words. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out.

I forced a smile. "Let's just sleep. It's really late." I whisper, turning my back on her.

Facing the pillow, I let my tears fall. I felt her gaze linger on my back, the air thick with unspoken tension.

Win her back. Win her back. Win her back.

Those were the only thoughts that echoed in my mind before sleep takes me.

...

lulubog lilitaw ☠️