Essence of Quinn Parts 3 & 4: Papa IV Era & The Main Event - Fate Breaker (MxM)

Sphere of Love

Air put an arm around Quinn’s waist as they walked, feeling how nervous he was for Calista. Quinn could feel that he was anxious for her also and he sent him some calm. She’d had too much pain in her life already and even though Rain had seemed happy when he'd been informed that she was still alive, her mental wellbeing pretty much hinged on this meeting.

“They’ll be fine,” Air murmured and Quinn got the impression that he was saying it for his own benefit just as much as he was for Quinn’s.

Swiss opened up the way to Papa’s apartment and stepped inside. Angelina went next, gently guiding Calista. Quinn and Air flanked them. The Papas and other ghouls filed in after them.

Aether was seated on the sofa. Rain, who was pacing behind it and biting on his claws stopped and looked up when he realised they had company.

Quinn heard Calista’s breath hitch as she took him in and now that they were in the same room together, the resemblance was immediately apparent. He felt a surge of happiness from Rain and the young ghoul sprang into action, vaulting over the back of the sofa and running to her.

“Mama!” he cried as he threw his arms around her.

Angelina let go of her hand and stepped away, coming to stand next to Air who draped an arm across her shoulders.

“My Brishen! Look how you’ve grown!” she sobbed, using his given name and melting into him. She cupped his face in her hands and stroked her fingers reverently along his cheekbones, kissing the tip of his nose. He was a head and shoulders taller than her so he stooped to make him her level. “My heart has been so empty for all of these seasons. They took my soul from me when they took my kits,” she wept.

Rain held her to his chest and stroked her gently, his own tears falling. Aether stood and guided them both to the sofa where they flopped down in a tangle of limbs.

“I’ve missed you so much, Mama,” Rain said softly. “I missed all of you. They took us from our beds and they told us you and Papa were dead. Then they split us up. I never saw Regen and Indra again.”

Calista held him tighter and her small frame was wracked with sobs. She choked out apologies and Rain refused them. It was a relief to Quinn that he didn’t blame her. That’s what he had been worried about, he realised. Grief could be a funny thing and sometimes it manifested itself as misplaced blame and anger. He didn’t know how he would have reacted had Rain been angry with her, didn’t even want to think about it.

Quinn felt like a voyeur, standing on the edge of the sphere of love that surrounded Calista and Rain. It was an almost tangible thing, he felt it with such force that the warm glow of it reached right down to his bones.

Air leaned in closer to him and he was glad that they were there together, witnessing another step in Calista’s recovery. He tried not to let the usual dark thoughts in but they crept up on him.

Quinn had put them both here. All of their hardships were because of him. Even though he had no choice in what had happened, even though he hadn’t orchestrated any of it, he was still to blame.

Calista had lost her mate and her kits because she’d been deemed worthy of carrying his offspring. They had that spark, he and her; Quinn could feel it. He’d recognised it as soon as he’d come to his senses after the Council had tortured him with visions and he'd remembered her. The potential for bonding was there which was why she’d been chosen, why the seer that had given Ose the information had pinpointed her, sealed her fate and signed her mate’s death warrant. Their spells and their drugs wouldn’t have worked without it, wouldn’t have worked without removing the bond that she shared with Rain’s sire first.

That spark of compatibility had meant the destruction of five lives. Five more black marks on Quinn’s soul.

Rain would hate him even more than he already did when he found out; and he would. It was inevitable.

Quinn heard Air growl softly next to him and when he looked down his mate was glaring up at him with a scowl.

“Stop it,” he said in a harsh whisper. “Not your fault.”

“Is,” he growled back as quietly as he could.

Secondo glanced at them and his serious expression turned to a frown also. Quinn could feel the guilt churning in his guts. It had blindsided him, it was completely unexpected. He hadn’t thought that he would have made this about him, but apparently he had. He should have been sharing in their happiness at being reunited but instead he felt cold tendrils of guilt suffocating his heart.

He managed to suppress a growl and Air took his hand, practically dragging him towards the door. If any of the others noticed them, it didn’t register. Staving off the panic attack that was skirting around him was all that he could do right then.

He stumbled down the corridor after Air and they ended up in the bathroom in Secondo’s apartment. Quinn hunched over the toilet dry retching as Air rubbed his back.

“When will you get it into your thick skull that this is not your fault?” Air snarled.

When the retching had stopped he sat on the tile floor with his back against the black marble vanity. Air sat down beside him, not caging him in with hugs, but merely being there next to him. He was angry, Quinn felt it stabbing at him and he wanted to scream at the other ghoul and tell him he was wrong. His words had failed him though, he couldn’t say anything as much as he wanted to. He gritted his teeth and growled instead.

“Why do you always do this?” Air said dejectedly. “They are together again. They were happy to see one another, even I could feel it.” Quinn gave him a sideways glance and huffed a laugh, shaking his head. “You frustrate me so fucking much, Quinn. Even after all of these years you still manage to fuck yourself up.”

He felt a tear escape his eye and roll lazily down his cheek. Air was right, he could sense it but he couldn’t bring himself to agree. It was easier to stay angry at himself. He’d done it for so long that it was an integral part of his personality now.

Air breathed out a deep sigh and shifted to make himself more comfortable, as if he was resigned to just sitting there with him to wait this out. If Quinn had the words right then he’d have told him just how fucking much he loved and appreciated him but he couldn’t even manage to do it through their bond. He must have locked it up when the panic was threatening to overwhelm him back in Papa’s apartment.

Instead, he took Air’s hand and tipped his head back to stare at the ceiling. It was the best he could offer and he just hoped that Air would understand.