Traversing with the Infinity (Sun Rays Series #1)

CHAPTER 19

Chapter 19

"Rize, anak. . . puwede ba tayong mag-usap?"

Natigil ako sa pagnguya ng pagkain nang pumasok si Papa sa kusina. Naka-uniform na rin siya ngayon at sa tingin ko ay kakain na siya ng agahan dahil papasok din siya sa eskwelahan.

I forced myself to stand up and did not even bother to look at him.

"Pa, papasok na po ako," mahinang sagot ko nang hindi tumitingin sa kanya.

I slipped out of the kitchen as soon as I heard Ma'am Racquel's footsteps approaching, carrying Lezin in her arms. They had been here since last night, so it seemed they would be staying here until later.

"Good morning, Rize, kumain ka na ba? Nagluto ako ng agahan," malumanay na pag-alok sa akin ni Ma'am Racquel nang magkasalubong kami sa entrance ng kusina.

I quickly nodded without looking at her. "Opo, Ma'am. Salamat po. . ." I simply answered her question in a gentle tone so I would not look rude in front of her.

Her approach toward me was good, so I had no reason to be disrespectful. I stole a quick glance at Lezin, only to see her blinking with innocent eyes. Matapos niyon, mabilis na akong lumakad papalayo sa kanila. I find her cute, she's my half sibling after all. But I just don't have the energy to joke around with her, not now. Not when my mind and heart are still confused and trying to adjust to everything that's happening lately.

I've already confirmed that Lezin was Papa's daughter. And yes, she's my half sibling-she was also using Guillermo as her surname, except for Ma'am Racquel since. . . hindi naman sila kasal.

Wala akong makitang rason para umaktong walang modo sa harapan nila, especially to Ma'am Racquel.

At least, she was nice to me and knows how to approach people well. Wala rin naman kaso sa akin kung kasintahan siya ngayon ni Papa. I would say that I'm genuinely happy for him because he finally found love again after being widowed. Seeing him content is more than enough for me to support his decision.

But my question is. . . kailan nila nakilala ang isa't isa?

Nagsimula na namang lamunin ng katanungan ang utak ko. Kung magdadalawang taon na si Lezin, bakit hindi manlang nag-abala na ipakilala ito ni Papa sa akin?

Alam din ba ito ni Lolo Kenzy, pero hindi na lang siya nagsalita?

Umiling ako sa isiping iyon.

Hindi ko dapat pagdudahan si Lolo Kenzy. . . kasi ang sama ko namang apo kung ganoon.

I just kept my questions to myself.

Why can't I bring myself to talk to them-especially to Papa? Now that I finally have the chance to ask all the questions that have been piling up inside me, why am I suddenly scared? Why can't I use my usual talkativeness in moments like this? Why do I freeze when it matters the most?

My mind is overflowing with questions, yet my lips refuse to move.

I probably look so stupid right now.

I may look naïve right now, but I cannot help but be afraid of what his answers might be. I'm not ready yet. I'm scared-more than I would like to admit. And what's even more terrifying is the thought of fear consuming me completely, lalo pa at madalas kong naaalala si Mama.

Napagtanto kong kahit tanggap kong wala siya, ang hirap pa rin kapain ng magiging mararamdaman ko na makakita ng kasintahan si Papa. It's not that I think this woman, Ma'am Racquel, would take Mama's place as my mother, but as Papa's wife? Iyon. . . hindi ko alam.

My mind was tangled in confusion.

My heart was knotted with longing, yet it was still trying to carry on.