and we played

Chapter 32

MYA

I really do not want to come to the gala tonight.

I do not want to.

And that for multiple reason.

First, I will be alone. I know that Lukas will be there too, he told me yesterday, but we won't be there together as a couple. But as friends. And that aspect has me freaking out.

There have been many reasons why I fake dated Lukas. I think the reason why I fake dated him for so long was the way we understood each other. We weren't lovers, we were friends first. And I was also, like him, afraid that if we broke up, we won't hang out anymore. I'm glad that didn't happen, but I'd lie if I'd say that was the only reason we fake dated. When we first started, we didn't know shit about each other, except the fact we're both popular. And we both had our sides of the deal. He dated me so that his parents could leave him alone. I dated him because...well, I couldn't be "single".

A few days before we made the deal, I was at a party. I asked for a drink, but a guy swapped my drink with something with alcohol. I hadn't drunk so far. I was never planning to drink. But someone did, and the next thing I know I'm drunk and he's on top of me. I barely remember it, but it left me with a fear of being "single".

Because that happened before. Not like that, but similar.

I know how to protect myself, I really do. Dad owns a security company and he saw that both his children were taught from a young age how to fight and protect themselves. But even if I managed to get out of it every time, it still leaves a mark on you.

That was my part of the deal. Fake date me, so I get all the ones wanting off my back.

Tonight, as I enter there, I will be "single". Dating Lukas Winthrope makes you sort of untouchable. Everybody knows not to mess up with a Winthrope. There are some families who are simply like royalty, only without crowns. The Winthropes, the Delances, the Dunns (actually wait, they have a crown), our family. You simply do not mess with them, for there is a high chance you might turn up dead the next day. I know I'm part of that elite, but being single still remains a problem.

The second, and actually more concerning reason about why I did not want to attend tonight's gala...is Ashton.

Because I fucked up big time.

Two weeks ago as Lukas and Maddie were on that date and he followed me, he made some confessions my heart shouldn't have heard.

But he also did one more thing.

We were in a shop, buying stuff, as Maddie requested. I was trying on a dress, looking in the mirror, as he comes inside the fitting room and whispers "You're so fucking beautiful", his lips touching my collarbone.

And that's when I got it.

His whisper, it almost left me breathless. I wanted to choke him and press him against the wall on the same time. I remembered him touching me before, and the way my body always reacted. And now comes the smutty books shit. You know when the two main characters have what is called "sexual tension"? Even if they just look at each other, it is as if they would be doing it, for it is so intense.

It appears I have it with Ashton.

And that scares me.

For I know his kiss could be my downfall. I know his kiss could end me. Tear me apart.

But I also know that if the two of us were to kiss, it would be something else.

I sigh as I look in the mirror, working on my makeup. I've been doing it all this time, all while overthinking every single little thing in my head and letting the quali round in Jeddah play in the background on my phone. I glance at the screen from time to time, to check on my brother. He's doing great, second, only that sucker from ESPEN in front of him. But I know Lewis. He lets him in front of him for a while, to make him exhausted, then overtakes him in the last laps.