unspeakable | jegulus

teeth ready, sharpened to bite

chapter title: cool, calm and collected by the rolling stones

Three days later Sirius was still apologizing. James didn't offer him forgiveness. He ignored him. He walked past him in the halls. He sat by himself at mealtimes.

Everyone was always staring at him now. Lily looked miserable when he met her eyes. It was as if a fire that had always burned within her had been extinguished. She seemed so cold now, and profoundly sad. Sitting in silence, obsessively drawing concentric circles on parchment in class beside him. She refused to look at him. Sometimes he felt eyes on him, and looked up to see her staring- then she would go pale and divert her attention again. A stranger. Miles of distance between them. Remus sometimes sat beside him instead but it was awkward and silent. Conversation fell silent when he walked into the room. Eyes followed him everywhere he went.

He tried to hide his surprise when Regulus sat across from him at the dinner table. What are you doing here? His green tie was enough to set him apart, but his perfect posture, aristocratic air, and posh accent made the incongruity even more pronounced. There was none of Sirius in the way he carried himself. All of it was in his black hair, downturned lips, and straight nose. The Gryffindors around him turned their heads to openly stare.

"Hello." Regulus looked deeply uncomfortable.

"Hi." James smiled. "What brings you to this side of the great hall? Are you just in the neighbourhood or do you want something?" Regulus flushed red.

"I wanted to discuss something with you, preferably in private." James couldn't keep a smile off of his face. Something about Regulus filled him with affection. He was so awkward. It was endearing. Almost sweet. "You've been more difficult to find than usual as of late, and I thought sending a letter would be unwise. So here I am."

"Did you wanna talk now?" James popped a piece of sweet potato in his mouth with his hands and watched Regulus wrinkle his nose in distaste. "Or later?" Remus cleared his throat.

"Hello, Regulus. I'm Remus, it's nice to meet you. James told us what you did for him. What you said. Thank you. I think I may have misjudged you." Regulus glanced at James.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Remus." He extended a hand over the table. James saw his handful of silver rings and internally cringed.

"So formal!" He grabbed his hand before Remus could, shaking it overzealously and shoving it away with a hard look. "You're right posh, Black. Stiff as a plank of wood."

"If I'm not mistaken the Potter family as as ancient and well respected as my own. Why is it you behave as if you were raised by farmhands, James?" He wiped his hand on another impeccable green handkerchief as soon as it escaped his grip. "Eating with your hands like an animal," he muttered under his breath, disgusted.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius loomed behind Remus, who shook his head and let out a world-weary sigh.

"Lay off him, Sirius. Just go sit over there. You're not a child." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You won't talk to me but you'll talk to him?"

Regulus looked away sharply.

"It seems James has finally developed more refined taste in company." Sirius rolled his eyes again.

"This is who you're spending time with now? Did you hear that? James, really I-"

"Give it a rest." James wanted more than anything to forgive him for his small offences. It hurt to know he never could. He had to change, he had to hide himself away if this was supposed to work. He had to kill his current self and start over. "I'm not interested in listening to you have a petty fight with your brother. We can talk, Regulus. Now would be best." He stood, ignoring the eyes following him.