unspeakable | jegulus

your love cuts like a knife

chapter title: wedding song by bob dylan

mild tw: regulus has been abused since early childhood.
he has strange ideas about love & intimacy.
this will be explored throughout the fic, (especially in ACT II) so, if you find that subject difficult to read, please proceed with caution. <3
take care of yourself

Regulus was sitting in the common room in front of the fire, ignoring everyone around him. His pale eyes were reflecting the flames like hell was locked inside of him. He was frowning.

"Why so glum?" James asked, his mouth very close to his ear. He straightened instantly, then stood.

"Was that some kind of misguided attempt at humour?" His voice was full of venom.

"Sorry." James held up his hands, I surrender. The common room was mostly empty, but they still got looks from the other early risers after the scene yesterday. Mary among them. James tried to pretend he didn't see her. "Do you want to get breakfast?"

"I know you don't have a brother, but I need to ask anyway. Do you ever want to commit fratricide?" Regulus was so angry James half expected to see steam rising off of him.

"Can't say I have, no." James took his hand, and Regulus yanked it out of his grip.

"Merlin, he drives me mad." His hands curled into fists, his eyes burning. "I wouldn't even use a curse to kill him, I would strangle him," he mimed squeezing the empty air, "With my bare hands, and watch the light leave his eyes-"

"Regulus." His pale eyes flitted up to his, so furious James almost flinched. "You need to cool off. Do you need to hit something?"

"After your little tantrum yesterday I think I've cured myself of that desire quite thoroughly. What I want to do is walk back up those stairs and show my idiot brother the meaning of power, just to watch him try to use those stupid, childish spells to-"

"Regulus." James took his hands in his, and felt the tension in his body like he was carved from stone. "You need to calm down." Regulus glared at their entwined hands.

"I think I do need to hit something." James, despite his best efforts to ignore her, glanced at Mary and met her gaze. She looked curious, not malevolent. He wasn't used to that from her anymore. "We can run, I suppose."

"You need to eat something. I do, at least."

"Since when do you care about eating? Are you telling me you're actually hungry for the first time in months? Should we owl the prophet?" Against all odds, it seemed Regulus was usually suppressing his impulse to be mean. He didn't seem like he was enacting his usual restraint now. He was in a mean mood. "Merlin, I need to break something." Regulus stalked toward the portrait hole, radiating horrid energy. "Are you not coming?"

"Yeah, alright." James ran a hand through his hair. Thanks Sirius. "Breakfast then run, yeah?"

"Run first, unless you want to me hex Barty a new set of limbs the next time I lay eyes on him."

"We made a deal."

"Fine. Evan then, he likes him enough-"

"I thought Slytherins kept to their word."

"Maybe some do." Regulus leaned against the wall beside the portrait hole. His expression softened a little, and he touched James' cheek, sliding his thumb along his cheekbone. "You really do need breakfast." His hand was cold. James was very still under his touch. "How was it you let go of your anger, James?" He touched his lips, the tip of his index finger light, tracing his cupid's bow, ghostly, pressing on the middle of his bottom lip. The silver in his eyes disappeared until it was hardly a ring, swallowed by his pupils like an eclipse of the sun. "Maybe you're the only thing I need to break."