unspeakable | jegulus

religiously unkind

chapter title: rock 'n' roll suicide by david bowie

an: with this chapter, we are officially caught up to my ao3 posting schedule. new chapters will be uploaded every Saturday from now on :) i hope you enjoyed the influx of jegulus content! happy pride month <3

xoxo elliott

James slept like a stone, dreamless. He woke up to sunlight on his face, dim, like it always was when he woke. Even under the influence of whatever spell Regulus had cast on him the night before, James was awake at five in the morning.

He looked at the boy in his bed. His dark hair was curly without the smoothness of whatever potion he usually used to tame it. He didn't look peaceful in sleep. His dark eyebrows were furrowed low over his eyes, and his body was tense. James pressed his lips to his forehead.

"Regulus," he whispered. Regulus grabbed for him in his sleep. He had a spot on his bottom lip that was bluish and bruised where James had bitten him. "Wake up, Reg." He kissed him, and after a moment, Regulus' hands found their way into his hair, and he was kissing him too.

"You should always wake me up like this... much nicer than getting carried out of bed." Regulus stretched and yawned, wiping sleep from his eyes. He blinked like a cat, slowly, his eyes closed more than opened. "So much nicer, come here." He pulled him closer and kissed him again, intwining his fingers in James' messy hair. "What time is it?" He said into his mouth. James leaned away and touched his face, gently.

"Five. It's when I always wake up."

"What do you do, run?"

"I run, then fly before breakfast." Regulus' grey eyes looked dark and cool. Like shade on a hot day.

"I'm on the team too, maybe we can go together."

"Little seeker." James grabbed his wrist, it felt small and fragile in his hand. He was so thin. "You want to run with me?"

"Why not?"

"I do mean run," James emphasized. "Not a leisurely jog around the school."

"I can run." Regulus stiffened. "Do you think I'm not athletic?" James grabbed his slender waist, and pulled him underneath him.

"I've never seen you exercise outside of your scheduled practices." He kissed him again, his bruised lips, his sharp cheekbone. "So forgive me for assuming you won't be able to keep up with me."

"I have other obstacles. Could you imagine me trying to wake up at five without Barty to drag me out of bed?" Regulus shook his head. "Kiss me more." James obliged.

Slow, lazy kisses warmed him from the inside out. The events of yesterday were half forgotten until he put his hand under his shirt and saw the dark bruises all over his hipbones.

"Did you mean what you said yesterday?" James asked, breaking the kiss. The worries that had left him were haunting him again. Regulus touched his face, his cold fingertips in his hair.

"Of course I did, James. I'm sorry. I won't make you do anything like that again, unless I have to."

"You can't." The emotion in his voice was out of his control. "Not just for kicks or jealousy or anything like you did yesterday. That was fucked up."

"I know, honey." Honey again. Where did that come from? "I'm sorry." His silver eyes were wide, and beautiful. "I really am sorry, I'm not just putting it on. I didn't want to hurt you. I haven't wanted to for a long time, like I told you, when you're sad I feel guilty. It's not like it is with other people. You're different. You're special to me. I don't ever want to cause you pain. Do you forgive me?" His voice was soft, and sad, but his repentance had a fabricated quality to it. He'd said yesterday that he was bad at apologizing, but was he really this terrible? It was unnatural on him, like clothes that didn't fit quite right. The bowed head, the wide eyes, even the tremor in his voice. It was all false. He wondered if Regulus had ever felt truly sorry for anything in his whole life. He doubted it.