unspeakable | jegulus

don't say i never warned you

chapter title: it takes a lot to laugh, it takes a train to cry by bob dylan

A stiff, silent breakfast was the best they could manage. Regulus had found him as soon as he came down to the great hall. He sat across the table from him and watched James shove food around on his plate without taking a single bite. He touched James' naked fingers incessantly until he fished the rings out of his pocket and slid them back on ("Are you ashamed of me, Potter?" "Silver, honestly, think for a minute or two about why I might not want to wear silver around some of my friends...") then lifted his hand to his mouth and kissed both of them. The invocation of their fight yesterday, when Regulus had grovelled on the floor begging him to live, didn't do much to help settle his stomach.

"Ready?"

"Don't ask me that." James hid his head in his hands.

"Why not? Isn't that the most important question? This is your last chance to change your mind." James shuddered.

"Gah, don't say it like that. I already feel sick."

"You're not looking forward to meeting my family?" Regulus looked too perfect. His hair arranged precisely, his clothes all fitted and dark, his posture straight, his expression as remote as the peak of a mountain. "You've heard so much about them."

"That's why I'm not looking forward to it." James was scared to take a sip of coffee. His heart was already racing. "Do you think it'll be okay by the time we go to sleep?"

"As impossible as it may be to believe," he said, his expression softening. "Yes. I do think that."

"Tell me."

"It'll be okay." His voice was so soft. Impossibly soft. "Everything will be okay by the time you're asleep tonight, James. There's nothing to worry about. You just have to get through today and then it'll be over, but until then, it'll be okay."

"That's nice." James leaned his face into his fist. "Keep talking, please."

"We have a train to catch, love." Regulus reached across the table and took his hand. He pressed the back of it against his cheek, his pale eyes boring into his like twinned banks of clouds on the horizon. Twinned stars. James pressed his knuckles against his cheekbones. "I can reassure you on the way."

"No, do it now," he ordered. Regulus would've bitten his head off for that when they'd first met. Now, he kissed the back of his hand and held it in both of his.

"You're strong enough for this. This is when you find out what you're truly made of. Something tough enough not to break when force is applied, or weaker stuff. I think you're strong. I think you'll be able to survive this. Not only survive. I think you'll be able to thrive there. Maybe not now, but eventually. You can do this. It's what you've been practicing for for months, James. You can do anything if you set your mind to it. You said it yourself when you spoke to Malfoy. You can change everything about who you think you are. You can become someone formidable, and powerful, and you'll be by my side for all of it." Regulus smiled a little. "I said I would give you the world. This is a step toward getting it. You'll be able to feel it on underfoot for the first time. The world under our feet. That's destiny."

"You're objectively terrible at being comforting," muttered James, even though his insane power hungry ramblings were actually making him feel a bit better. "I've never met anyone who thinks about me the way you do."

"It's because I see you for who you truly are."

"You see me for who you want me to be. Just like everyone else." James leaned toward him while he spoke. "Don't worry, I won't hold it against you." Regulus frowned.