unspeakable | jegulus

i won't be waiting around for you

chapter title: blue letter by fleetwood mac

They emerged onto the moonlit Hogwarts lawn, eyes squinting through the darkness. James had led them through a passageway behind one of the mirrors in the first floor boys bathroom ("You just have to wave at your reflection and say hello, like this").

"Good thing we brought James." Evan threw an arm over Barty's shoulders. "Thanks, mate. That was much easier than it usually is."

"Can I ask where we're going?"

"You don't want to let the mystery stay alive?" Barty grinned at him. His black lipstick was smudged on one side, he looked a little bit mad. "Come on." They walked toward the lake, laughing and talking about nothing. They were all a little bit drunk, Pandora was doing hops as she walked, like a child pretending to fly.

James was looking at the dark trees near the forests edge when movement caught his eye. The moonlight wasn't bright enough to make out what it was, just a smudged black shape in the dark. He pulled out his wand.

"Lumos maxima." The Slytherins (and Pandora) stopped in their tracks, staring at him while he walked toward the creature in the shadows.

A great black dog, with dark grey eyes.

"Padfoot?" The dog stared at him, they both stood there watching each other. "What are you doing out here?" He tilted his head.

"James?" He felt Regulus' cold hand on his shoulder.

"Give me a second, don't follow me." Regulus gaped at him. James knew he must've looked like a complete idiot. A stupid Gryffindor. "Please just stay here. All of you."

He didn't wait for a reply, he walked past the tree line, following Padfoot until he knew they wouldn't be seen. Dark woods. Grey in the night and ominous. He blinked and it wasn't Padfoot walking in front of him anymore, it was Sirius. Whatever halloween makeup he'd done was unrecognizable in the pale wand light, cut through with tears. He looked horrible.

"I don't want to do this anymore." He said thickly, and James couldn't move. "Why won't you just say you're sorry?"

James felt like someone had reached into his stomach and started pulling out his guts through his mouth hand over fist.

"Why can't you just fix it? We always fixed it before-" He took a step toward him and fell to the ground. He started crying, big, ugly tears. "You always fixed it, Prongs. Why won't you try?"

James felt his eyes stinging.

"You need to get back to the castle, Sirius. Are you by yourself?"

"I'm obviously by my fucking self." James reached out toward him and he backed away into the ground. "Are you gonna haul me back there and leave me at the door? I can see the pity on your face, James. It doesn't look right on you..." Sirius sobbed into his hands. "I just want it to go back the way it was before."

"It can't-" He heard branches snapping behind him. "Sirius, what do you want from me? You're the one who told me to stay away from you-"

"You didn't even try to fix it. You just left it broken." Sirius stood, shaking and leaning. He seemed like he'd had far too much to drink. "I want you to try to fix it, you fucking asshole. I want you to try. You're just giving up. Giving up on all of it like it didn't mean anything-"