DBS#3: Mending the Scars

CHAPTER 3: Angry Bird

Buong gabi akong nag-aral ng mga notes na naisulat ko kanina during class hours. I don’t know why, but studying is therapeutic for me. Even at home, I find myself scanning and reading my books and other materials. Maybe it’s my way of coping with boredom. I’d rather be bored and learn something than be bored and learn nothing at all.

As soon as I finished reading and highlighting the last page of the lessons we had earlier, naisipan kong balikan ang sinabi ni Top kanina about that Baymax thing. He said it looks just like me. That better be as handsome as I am, or else I’d be very annoyed. It does seem familiar, though—maybe I already heard about it from my sister since she’s fond of movies.

After typing “Baymax” and hitting enter on my glowing keyboard, a bunch of pictures of this big white thing popped up. They all looked the same, so this must be what Top was talking about. It’s big, white, and has black eyes that look like glasses. Turns out, it’s some kind of healthcare companion robot programmed to help people—which, okay, I kind of get. But no, I’m taking that as an insult to my looks and overall vibe.

“Fuck you to death, Angry Bird.”

Tumayo ako at pumunta sa bathroom, leaving the screen on its recent search. Humarap ako sa salamin kung saan ko madalas ginagawa ang skin care routine ko tuwing umaga at gabi. I looked intently at my reflection, from my forehead to my chin. I can say I look good, even with the glasses I wear for my astigmatism. I have a fair complexion, and my hair is naturally almost brown, which I think is one of my assets. I don’t see why Top calls me Baymax—I’m not even that huge. I work out on weekends since we need to stay physically fit to play basketball.

Maybe it’s really because of the way we, nursing students, dress at school. I know, I don’t like wearing all white, but it never bothered me before. It’s only now, after he called me Baymax, that it’s starting to get to me. Ang lakas ng loob niyang bigyan ako ng nakakainis na nickname, siya nga itong mukhang angry bird sa kapal ng kilay niya. Kulang na lang ay maging bilog para puwede ko nang gawing bala ng pana. Palibhasa’y hindi nag-iintindi kaya maraming oras para guluhin ako.

Natapos ko na lang ang daily ritual ko tuwing gabi nang may sama ng loob. I turned off my computer and tucked myself into bed. Walang naging laman ang isip ko kung hindi ang magiging itsura ko bukas bago pumasok ng school. For the first time in history, I became so conscious of what others would think and perceive of me. All because of him, that kid.

The night ended in the blink of an eye, and I woke up early just to look at myself in the mirror once again. I’m now wearing our school uniform, but I feel like I shouldn’t be going to school like this. What if Top sees me again? I don’t want him to think I’m actually ugly and… and—heck, I know I look good. I’ve never been ugly. I’ve never felt that way. I have zero insecurities about my looks. I don’t understand why I’m being so paranoid and crazy over just some random nickname from a kid.

In the end, nagsuot na lang ako ng itim na jacket sa ibabaw ng suot kong uniform bago pumasok. Hindi na rin ako nagtagal pa sa condo dahil siguradong pagdidiskitahan ko na naman ang itsura ko kahit na wala namang mali roon. Ang may mali ay ang mga mata ni Top. Siguro ay ayaw niyang nasasapawan ang itsura niya kaya hinihila niya ako pababa.

“Hoy! Bakit ka naka-jacket? May sakit ka ba?” tanong ni Vince nang makasabay ko siya sa parking lot. I didn’t expect him to be this early, too. Nakasabay ko pa tuloy.

“Wala, n-nilalamig lang ako,” nahihiyang sabi ko. Hindi ko rin kasi alam kung bakit ko nga ba naisipang magsuot ng jacket kahit pa hindi naman malamig o umuulan. Pero dahil nandito na ito ay paninindigan ko na lang. Kaysa naman magmukha akong weird sa harapan nitong si Vince.

“Ang init ng panahon tapos nilalamig ka?”

Bakit ba ang dami niyang tanong?

“Malamig sa classroom namin kaya huwag ka nang magtaka. Palibahasa’y walang air-con sa classroom niyo kaya naninibago ka,” agarang sagot ko saka siya tinalikuran. Narinig ko pa ang malakas niyang tawa kaya lalo kong binilisan ang paglalakad.