A memory that had happened yesterday was all blurry to me. I didn’t dwell on it much dahil na rin napag-usapan na naming it was all just plain curiosity and desire. Maybe we just want to know how it feels to kiss and to be kissed by someone of the same gender. Maybe we’re just too drawn by our burning desire at that time. It was nothing but a plain kiss. No feelings attached.
“I-I’m sorry. Hindi ko dapat—”
Naiilang akong lumayo at tumango rin kaagad bilang sagot. “It’s fine. W-Wala lang iyon. I was just curious about the feeling of being kissed, so…”
“Kahit na. This is so wrong. I feel like I forced you…”
“You didn’t. You asked for my consent, and out of curiosity, I let you kiss me,” ngumisi ako para itago ang kabang nararamdaman. “Come on, it’s nothing. Kiss and go.”
Nagulat siya sa naging asta ko at tumayo na rin sa harapan ko. “Bakit kung magsalita ka ay parang wala lang iyon sa iyo? It’s your first kiss, right?”
Humalakhak ako at tumango. Alam ko ang gusto niyang iparating, na dapat ay magalit ako sa kanya, kasi first kiss ko iyon. What am I? A teenager? Fuck it. Gagawin pa niya akong sentimental na tao. It’s just a kiss, for Pete’s sake. I don’t care about it anymore.
“Hindi na ako bata para sa ganiyan. Isipin mo na lang na kahit sino ay kaya kong halikan. I got curious, and it’s not something serious. Dapat ay alam mo ang mga ganito dahil mas maraming kang experience kaysa sa akin.”
His jaw clenched at what I said and he grabbed my arm. Lalong nadepina ang makakapal niyang kilay dahil mukha na siyang galit ngayon. “You don’t kiss anyone just because you’re curious about how it feels. And what the fuck are you saying? Kiss and go? You don’t kiss anyone you don’t like!”
“But I kissed you… I don’t even like you.”
Natigilan siya at marahas akong binitiwan bago nagpakawala ng ilang mura at buntong-hininga. I can’t believe he’s making that kiss a big deal. Ganito ba talaga siya ka-sentimental?
“Don’t make it a big deal,” may diin kong sabi.
“You’re right. It was just a kiss. It’s not a big deal. Kiss and go? That’s totally fine,” he said with a hint of sarcasm.
Hinatid na niya ako nang hindi na namin pinag-usapan ang tungkol sa nangyari. Kahit na walang naging kasunduan, alam kong pareho naming gustong kalimutan na lang iyon. It was our nightmare. I don’t even feel the way a human should feel when they get kissed, which is very different from the ones I read in a book. The world outside our bubble went on as if nothing happened, and I clung to that thought, pretending it was normal.
Nagising akong may maayos na tulog, despite everything that happened yesterday. Wala akong duty ngayon sa hospital, kaya naman sa school ako ngayon tutuloy para sa ibang mga subjects. The morning sun streamed through my window, warm and indifferent, and I let myself just breathe it in, as if sunlight alone could erase the remnants of last night’s tension.
If we ever meet today, just like in the old days, I will be just as calm as I used to be tuwing nakikita ko siya. Walang kahit anong dapat na maramdaman bukod pa roon. We’re friends, and aside from that, we’re nothing. But I do hope we don’t meet each other today, or at least not hear anything about him, so I can forget entirely about what’s going on between us.
“Kumusta naman ang kapatid mo, Bien?” tanong ni Vince na halos ikinasamid ko habang sabay-sabay kaming nagtatanghalian. Mapaglaro niya pa akong nilingon na para bang sinasadya niyang itanong iyon kay Bien ngayon mismo sa harapan ko.
Fuck! I don’t want to be engaged in this conversation.
“Speaking of my brother,” panimula naman ni Bien sabay inom ng kanyang coke. “Mukhang alam ko na ngayon kung bakit siya madalas sa nursing department.”
BINABASA MO ANG
DBS#3: Mending the Scars
Ficção GeralCOMPLETED // UNDER EDITING D'BEASTS SERIES #3: Mending the Scars Bryle Henry Sullivan has always lived in silence and order. Sa tatlong bagay lang umiikot ang mundo niya: school, varsity, and perfect grades. Love has never been part of his plans. H...
