The Ghost of Us || SKZ

10

Seungmin was in the tub with the faucet on, curtain drawn. He was shivering as the hot water rose around him. Tears kept falling down his cheeks, but he wasn't sobbing anymore. He wasn't feeling anything anymore.

Jeongin was sitting on the bathroom counter, nervously shaking his leg in the silence while he watched out for the older. They thought he shouldn't be alone, and Jeongin was the only one Seungmin wanted to be there with him. 

Downstairs, everyone else was in the kitchen. Felix had a handheld fan on a low setting, gently turning pages as he dried the journal. Hyunjin had showered, and Changbin was drying his hair with a towel. 

"Hyunjin, what did he say?" Chan asked, and the younger looked up at him.

Hyunjin thought back to what Seungmin told him in the woods. 

"He's really gone, Hyung...This was all I had left of him..."

"Nothing." Hyunjin responded. "He just cried." 

Felix squinted, knowing Hyunjin was lying. But he wouldn't confront him here about it. Instead, he looked back down at the journal and sighed. It was drying, and he was careful not to make the ink bleed; but it had already bled so much it didn't really matter. 

Felix felt himself tearing up. He imagined if this happened to his songwriting journal, and he ached for Seungmin. He himself would be absolutely inconsolable. 

Changbin saw Felix sniffling and set down the towel he was using to dry Hyunjin's hair. He walked over to the younger and wrapped his arms around him. Felix was surprised but leaned into the hug, breathing in Changbin's clean scent. It was comforting.

Hyunjin saw the moment and looked away. Seeing that was the last thing he needed right now. He stood up quickly and put his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, looking at his feet.

"I'm going to check on Seungmin." 

"Jeongin is up there with him." Chan said, putting a hand on Hyunjin's shoulder. "You're messed up about this too, why don't you just sit and --"

Hyunjin pushed Chan's hand away and spoke in a firm, quiet voice. "He needs me."

With that, Hyunjin hurriedly went upstairs.

"We seriously all need to go sleep." Jisung said weakly. 

"Felix and I will set up the living room. Everyone, get ready for bed and meet us there." Changbin said, pulling Felix by his waist out of the kitchen. 

"Why me?" Felix said, smiling as he moved out of Changbin's grasp. 

"I want to make sure you were okay." Changbin responded, pulling pillows and blankets from the downstairs linen closet while Felix started taking off the couch cushions. "And to do that you need to be near me."

"But...why not Hyunjin? Or Chan?"

"I'm not worried about them. They can take care of themselves."

Felix turned to the older, angry. "So you don't think I can take care of myself? What kind of bullshit is that, Changbin? You know I'm perfectly capable."

Changbin felt a punch in his gut -- Felix always called him Binnie. 

"That's not what I meant! I phrased that wrong. I just want to protect you; I don't know why." Changbin tossed pillows to Felix, who threw them down on the floor with the blankets. 

"You seriously don't know why?" Felix said, looking uncharacteristically irritated. "You're going to keep pretending you don't feel it?"

"What are you talking about, Lix?" Changbin asked, walking to the younger. "Pretending what?"