𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 (𝐌.𝐑.)

7| monster

sorry in advance

listen through the whole chapter with a SONGGGGGGG turn it on twice if needed

MATTHEO'S POV

I jinxed it. Something brought me back to reality. But just to remind me how much reality sucks.

I pushed her.

I pushed her.

I pushed her.

I pushed her.

I pushed her.

I pushed her.

I pushed her.

I pushed her.

How could I? How could I hurt her? I promised to never hurt her and I did. I hurt her.

I hurt her.

I hurt her.

I hurt her.

This is all my fault. She hates me now. She has every right to. I would hate myself too.

I ruined everything. All that we had. I lost her. I lost everything. I am so stupid. So so so stupid.

I didn't deserve her before and I definitely do not deserve her now. I don't even know how she settled for me?

I am just like my father. Just the same. Heartless. Disgusting. Monster.

I'm breathless. I'm losing her. I pushed her against the wall. She hates me now. She hates me now.

Tears are streaming down my face and I can't breathe. I sit down at the door of our dorm.

I lean my head against the door. I deserve to be tortured. She doesn't deserve this bad treatment.

I hear sobs from inside of my dorm. She's crying because of me. Because I hurt her.

It is all my fault. She doesn't deserve this shit. She deserves someone who can treat her right.

She deserves the best. And I'm the worst. So it's only fair I let her go. She needs that.

It is the best for her. Even if it kills me. Cause she didn't deserve to be hurt. Not mentally and most definitely not physically.

I need to break up with her. End this. It's unhealthy. Toxic. For her.

So even if it kills me. I need to do that. Now. Well maybe in a few minutes so I can calm down.

I wipe my tears somehow get my breathing to work before I open the door.

She immediately tensed up as I walked in. Even tried to wipe her tears but it wasn't working.

And all of this broke me even more. "I'm not gonna hurt you" I say as my voice cracks.

Don't cry Mattheo don't fucking break in front of her. Don't make her feel worse. Hold it together. Be a man. Be strong.

"J, I think this is breaking both of us. Maybe it's better if we end it. It can't hurt if it is gone" I say quietly.

My chest hurts. I'm hurting. I'm dying. All I can think of is being with her. Loving her. Being loved by her.

But now I'm gonna stay back and watch her love someone else. Give that love but at least to someone who deserves it unlike me.

"What?" she breaks. "No, no, no, Mattheo you can't do this to me, you can't end this" she says shaking while tears stream like waterfalls.

"J" I start as I went to hug her but she backs away. "NO, YOU DON'T GET TO CALL ME J AFTER YOU FUCKING BROKE UP WITH ME" she screams.

"I'm sorry" I whisper. I understand I'm breaking both of us right now. But it's the only way. Only right thing to do.

"FUCK YOU, YOU HEARTLESS PIECE OF SHIT " she screams slapping me across the face before storming out of our well not our anymore dorm.

Oh, darling, if only you knew that I'm heartless because you took my heart.

I stare at the door where she left as I sank down to the floor. I'm crying. I'm sobbing and shaking.

"Please don't leave me, Julia, please" I start crying. "See through me, tell me you forgive me, that we'll work on this" I sob.

"Tell me that I fucked up but it's fine" I scream but it won't help. "Tell me I'm all you want and that you'll never leave me" I cry.

"Please see through me, say you won't leave. Tell me I don't deserve you but we'll make sure I make up for it" I beg crying.

"Tell me all of this is my fault but we'll make through it" I cry and scream but she's not coming back.

"Tell me I didn't lose you. Tell me you're still mine. Tell me I didn't ruin the only thing I had. Only thing keeping me alive." I scream and cry and sob.

But it won't help. She's gone. She left me. But it's my fault I lost her. I lost only good thing I ever had.

My hands are shaking. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. "Help me Julia, please help me" I beg. "Help me, J, please"

I'm begging, pleading crying, sobbing for her to get back. But I know this was better for her.

I had to do this. No matter how much it killed me right now. She deserves better and I can't give that to her.

Door shoot open. Theodore. Julia probably ran to Daphne where Theodore was. He's probably here to yell at me.

But I can see he changed his mind. "Oh, fuck, Matheo what the hell did you do?" he asks crossing the room to get to me.

He kneels next to me as I'm shaking and sobbing. I can't breathe. I'm trying to stop but I can't.

"Mattheo, what happened" he asks softly. "I hurt her, Theo" I sob. "I hurt the only good thing that happened to me" I cry.

"She's gone, I lost her" I cry. "Mattheo, she wouldn't left if you didn't break up with her" he says.

"I had to Theo, I don't deserve her. She doesn't deserve this. She deserves someone who'll treat her right." I sob trying to wipe away my tears but it doesn't work.

"She would forgive you" he says. "I know but I can't forgive myself. And what if it happens again" I ask as my sobs get worse.

"Mattheo, you would never" he says. "I thought so too, but this happened and what if it happens again. What if I lose my temper and just snap, I can't risk that. I can't do that to her Theo, she doesn't deserve that. I could never forgive myself if I hurt her just like I won't right now" I say crying looking him in the eyes.

"It's all gone, she's gone Theo. I fucked up the last thing I had." I sob looking down.

I fucked up.

Fucked up because I'm a monster.

•|THE END OF THIS CHAPTER|•

A/N: Sorry not sorry. Who cried----->

I hope a lot of you cried but idk. I hink I'll edit it cause it's not sad enough. In my head it was muh sadder but I just can't et it on the text.

Also 3 chapters in one day. You better clap

Anyway hank you for reading and commenting please vote ☆->★
~love, Juliette