𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 (𝐌.𝐑.)

37| lost

MATTHEO'S POV

I have lost her. Forever.

But she's right. I can't deny it. I really am a jek. And I hurt her. Because I thought it will be funny.

She deserves better. Someone who will treat her right. Who will never ever EVER hurt her in any way.

Someone who she will laugh with. And I will be forced to watch.

I did this to her. I did this to myself. I hurt both of us. But I dont care about myself. As long as she heals I will be fine.

She is already on the right way as I can notice. She will be fine.

I fucked up with her and I have to let her go. Maybe in another life, we could have been together.

I glance at her sitting opposite of me, eating her breakfast, acting like nothing happen.

I just want to say so many things to her.

I still love you I promise. Nothing happened in the way I wanted, every corner of this house is hunted. And I know you said that we're not talking.

But I miss you, I'm sorry.

She's so calm and strong. Fuck you, Im daydreaming again.

This ends right here.

I have to forget about her. I need to lose all of my feelings for her. And there is only one way to do it.

But first I have to suffer a bit.

~

"Ah, my son, finally showed up for my meeting" my father says as I lower my head in shame.

"Sorry, my Lord, the school has been giving difficult assignments"

"I don't care, there is no excuses. Take a seat" I nod and sit down. I can't look at him in the eyes.

My heads a mess.

I feel like fainting. My head is too heavy.

"I have a task to get you back on Earth" he says and I nod. "War is coming closer and I need you to prepare everything for it"

"Yes, My Lord, what do I have to do?" I sigh as he starts.

It's only now that I realize how much I fucked up. He looks crazy. I looked the same.

Julia tried to help me. And I hurt her.

She tried to get me back and I left her. Broken. But she's so strong. Much stronger then me.

She deserved much more then me.

I wonder what ran through my head at that time, I wish I could take it all back.

~

I enter common room, so tired. I yawn before I notice Theodore on the couch. He scoffs when he sees me and gets up walking away.

"Theodore, wait" I say trying to catch up with him as he goes to dormitories and slams the door of his dorm in my face.

"Come on man" I say punching the door untill he opens them. "What do I have to wait for? For you to change? Cause the way it looks you never will"

"I'm sorry. I'm jerk, I know. I fucked up, I know that too. But please, this is the last time. I promise. If I ever do it again I give you every right to tell me to fuck off the same second but please, this is the last time. I lost Julia, I can't lose my best friend too, it hurts too much, Theo"

"You already lost me. The second you lost her too. Cause we both forgave you even tho we knew we shouldn't. We gave you not second but THRID chance Mattheo and you fucked it up, AGAIN. She tried to help you despite everything you put her through and you have no idea how much I admire that women. She is my idol. If someone asks me what do I want to be? I would say her. And you hurt her. I don't understand how could you hurt the person that made you better, Mattheo? How, I don't understand, explain it to me" he says.

"I- I don't know. I didn't want to. I am stupid. I don't know what I'm doing. I need help. I admit it cause I do. I need help and I'm not okay. And I didn't want to admit it but I do, I fucked it all up. And she is so much stronger then I will ever be"

"Damm right she is. The things she went through, you couldn't go through with all help of the world"

"And I know that. I do not deserve one bit of her perfection. But I can't leave her. I can't forget about her. She's all I have left. Even if she's not mine"

"Get fucked. Cause you have no right. I support every choice that women ever made. And I am so glad she finally left you, man. Cause as much as I'm your best friend and I love you, she didn't deserve the shit you put her through and you had to realize that. You were perfect for her when you thought you didn't deserve her but that Mattheo is lost long time ago so please stop with the bullshit"

"Come on, Theo, I can't lose her. I can't lose you" I'm on the edge of tears. The lump in my throat is making it harder to breathe for me.

"You already did, man. You. Already. Did."

He shuts the door in my face.

They say broken things can't break again so why is my heart breaking again?

•|THE END OF THIS CHAPTER|•

A/N: your mommy is back :)

This took forever to write more like one hour to write, 5 days to think of what to write T-T

But like what can I say