Irreversible

⚜♚29. Sharing Grief ♚⚜

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Anabia

"Mama always had such a love-hate relationship with rain, didn't she?" I asked Saim.

"Yeah, sometimes she complained about it, while other times she made pakoray and sat by the window watching it." My twin brother replied.

We were sitting on the terrace of our stepfather's house, sitting side-by-side on a wicker sofa.

"It seems only natural that it's raining on the day she was bur..." My voice broke. I still couldn't admit that she was gone.

I glanced at him and he glanced at me. Not counting our spouses and kids, it was so hard to believe that Saim and I were the only ones left in our immediate family. I mean, yes, we never had a big family, but without Mama, the world seemed much, much emptier.

The thunder growled overhead.

"Rohaan handled everything very well, Ma Sha Allah." Saim said. "I was a little concerned how he was going to handle everything here, but he was brilliant. Ma Sha Allah. It actually felt like Rehan Bhai was here with us." 

I smiled weakly. "Ma Sha Allah, our Ro is the one who can easily adjust and take charge anywhere. He has the leadership qualities, the sense of responsibility..."

We sat in silence for a while.

"Mama used to call us vilayti bachay." Saim whispered. "Our kids are even more vilayti than us. At least we got some desiness from our Punjabi, Lahore-born mother."

*Vilayti bachay: foreigner kids.

"She kept saying how she should have moved back to Lahore with us after the divorce." 

"I would have never met Laila then, and you would probably not have met Rehan Bhai. Our lives would be completely different." 

"But she stayed, not for her own sake but for ours. Her life would have been much easier had she moved back. She would have had Nano, even maids to help with the cooking and cleaning, and most of all, she would have had the familiarity of home. But she stayed, so that we could continue living in the comfortable environment that we were used to." I felt tears running down my cheeks. 

"She sacrificed a lot for us."

"I know we got annoyed at her so much, Saim, but I'd do anything to have her back. She can criticise me, tell me off, be continuously sarcastic, but all I want is to have her back." I sobbed hard.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Ana, I'm just grateful that she died in her sleep. She wasn't in pain. She departed this world peacefully." 

I shook my head. "Heart failure..." I still couldn't believe it.

Rohaan came out onto the terrace. "Sorry to interrupt you guys, but some family friends are here, Mamu. Kamran Nana is calling you downstairs."

Saim nodded. Running a hand over my head, he stood up and headed into the house.

Rohaan took his place. "How are you doing? You know, Boss Man keeps calling me and messaging me, asking about you." 

"I was he was here." 

"He does too, but what can we do?" He wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

I leaned against him.

"Mama, remember how you once explained the concept of death to us?" He whispered. "You said that when we, as humans, lend something of ours, especially something precious, we are eager to get it back. Similarly, our souls belong to Allah, and He places them on this earth temporarily. Eventually, He wants them back, when the time is decreed, so that He can keep the souls close to Him, just like we humans like to keep our valuables close and safe." He kissed the side of my head. "She was precious to Him, and it was her time to return to Him. All we can do is pray for her, so that Allah would give her a place in Jannat-ul-Firdous."