i wish i never met you | b.e.

freeway

a/n : what is upppp guys sorry for being inconsistent with updates, butttt its spring break now so ill try to update whenever possible !
please give me some things you want to see in these coming chapters, but yeah enough talking i love you all enjoy this chapter
oh and btw huge ! TW ! there's going to be sh mentioning and acts in this chapter

lila's pov

dean just walked into billie's house right as i was about to lean of her shoulder.

the worst part is that he called her babe.

i thought she wasn't dating

"oh hii dean!" billie gets up and hugs him and he kisses her on the cheek, setting some groceries down.

"oh lila!" he says, looking up, "been awhile, how are you?"

i fight back the tears starting to sting my eyes.

"hi officer ward! i've been good-"

"oh please, call me dean. i'm in billie's life now you know? calling me officer is too formal."

i see billie glance at me. her face is bright red because we both know she was just caught lying.

i smile at dean and immediately get up and head to the bathroom. i feel like im going to throw up.

i slam the door behind me on purpose, and lean over the toilet.

i just kinda sit there and wait for the puke, but the only thing coming out of me was tears.

and then billie walked in.

"baby- im so sorry-"

"don't call me that." i say.

"lila," she pauses, "im sorry, i didnt know how to tell you-"

"i thought we had something!" i interrupt.

her face goes from sad to angry.

"you know what lila? i thought we had something too! i gave up all hope on that idea when i saved your life, not once, but TWICE and both times, you went back to the man who almost caused you to die both times!" she yells.

i try to speak but i start to choke up.

"lila, i LOVED you! i loved you! but every time i thought we had something, you'd go to cash. do you know how much strength it took me to move on?" she continues.

i just look at her.

"he ABUSED me billie! do you know how hard it is to leave an abuser?!" i yell back.

"i dated someone who wanted to genuinely kill me over YOU. wanna know how i broke up with him? over text, as i was fucking you!"

i'm just speechless.

"lila, this whole thing we have going on, i think it needs to be over. we aren't good for each other if you can't tell." billie exhales.

i throw up.

that was my breaking point.

i cry into the toilet and fall onto the ground. i half expect billie to have held my hair back or comfort me, but she just stands in the doorway.

"i'm sorry lila." billie says before walking out.

god i've never cried so hard before.

this is all my fucking fault.

i look around the bathroom and see the razors.

one month clean turns to ten seconds.

i go into their medicine cabinet and take like two of each pills in all of billie's bottles.