Degrees of Desire (gxg, txs)

chapter thirteen

-Isabella

I felt incredibly embarrassed. I had been avoiding her for as long as I could but here I was sitting in her classroom crying. I don't even know why I was crying.

I just felt extremely overwhelmed and that's usually the response I get when this happens. I watched as her cold exterior had withered away and I could see her expression soften. I knew she pitied me.

"Is it okay if I get this done for you by tomorrow?" I asked softly. I didn't want to keep crying

"Yes. Of course, whatever you need." She says with a soft expression. It was unusual to see her like that.

The bell rang and I finally had my chance to escape this awkward interaction. I picked up my bag and placed the stack of papers inside. She watched me carefully as I begin to walk away.

"I'll see you tomorrow Ms. Williams" I said looking down at the floor.

"See you tomorrow, Miss Gray."

With that, I walked out of the classroom and headed towards the restroom. I needed to make sure I looked fine before I saw Elena. I didn't need her asking what was wrong and me not knowing what to respond with.

Once I was in the restroom, I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and slightly puffy but other than that, I was fine. Thank god for waterproof mascara. I tried to dry my eyes as much as possible before washing my hands and exiting.

When I had arrived to the library, Elena was already seated in our usual table. She looked at me with a frown on her face and I knew she could tell something was wrong.

"Hey is everything alright?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah, I'm just not feeling so good. Anyways let's just start."

We continued our tutoring session. I didn't have as much energy as I usually would. A part of me had been distracted the entire time but I couldn't help it. I couldn't wait to get home and lay in the comfort of my own bed.

For some reason, the time went by way faster than normal. I think it was because I wasn't paying too much attention. I had my mind on much more important things. I dropped Elena off at home like I had been doing for the past couple of days and went home.

The drive to my house was quiet but frustrating. I usually loved the peace it brought me when I was driving alone and playing my music, but right now everything was bothering me.

"Hey sweetheart. Are you hungry? Dinner is almost ready." My mom asks once I walked through the door.

"No thanks, I already ate. I'm just going to lie down. I don't feel so good." I say walking past her and up the stairs to my bedroom.

I kicked my shoes off and took my clothes off before walking into my bathroom. I wanted to take a quick shower before I could lie down in my own bed.

I cried myself to sleep. It wasn't even me crying over the situation at this point. A part of me knew that there wouldn't be anything going on between us.

I was crying over the fact that I allowed myself to feel vulnerable around her. I tried to express how I felt and she turned it away. How could I let myself be so stupid?

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Friday passed by in a blur. I went to all of my classes and spent my lunch with Iris and Nate. They kept asking me what was wrong but I insisted I was fine.

The TA period was Ms. Williams was excruciatingly slow and awkward. I avoided eye contact and decided to just read my book. The room had been filled with silence the whole 50 minutes I was in there for.