Degrees of Desire (gxg, txs)

chapter fifty

-Diana

18+

With time, I know things will get easier. I know that with time, the pain won't be as bad as it is now.

Yesterday hadn't exactly gone as I had expected. Not the service, that went well. I mean what happened last night.

I felt so much anger to all the people who showed up just for the food and drinks. So many people were there that never even talked to my mum. I knew that if she were here, she'd call them all hypocrites and I couldn't agree anymore.

From what I remember, I drank a little too much and got upset when Madeline was trying to get with Isabella. That was my tipping point.

Isabella being the angel she is, calmed me down and took me to bed. I couldn't have been more grateful for her.

I woke up and she was gone. She left a note on the side of the bed saying she'd be out with Kate for a while. She left that along with a few spring tablets. She's so perfect.

I had a few things to do before we leave tomorrow. Since I have the time now, I guess I'd get the one thing I had been avoiding out the way.

I took the aspirin and got ready for the day. After a lot of mental preparation, I went downstairs into my mother's room.

It was left exactly how she had it. I didn't plan on messing up the room itself, my only task was to clean the closet out.

I grabbed a box that had already been placed in the room and opened it up.

I began looking through the clothes first, putting some in a box for keeping, and the rest in a donation box. I kept the more recent clothes for keeping. I know Kate would appreciate her scent still lingering on the clothes she had recently worn.

Going through the closet had a lot of bitterness towards it. There were some clothes that stood out to me, some from memories I have engraved into my mind.

The sweater she had worn the first time Isabella was definitely the one that stood out to me the most. I remembered her wearing it. I folded it and neatly placed it into the box.

I moved on to putting the shoes away. There were some that fit Kate so I figured she'd want to keep those.

When I was moving a shoe box, I found a smaller box hidden in the corner of the closet. It was not big enough to be used to store shoes.

I grabbed the small black box and walked out the closet to sit on the bed. Something about it was very enticing.

I opened it and my heart sank. There were pictures of my mum and I. Some of when I was just a child, and some when I was a teenager. We looked so happy together. I went through the photos until the bottom stack were photos of my mum with Kate.

I separated them and reminded myself that I'd give them to her later.

Underneath the photos, there was a book, a smaller box, and a note next to it.

I picked the note up and unfolded it.

Diana,

I know you're the one reading this because I specifically asked for you to be the one to clean the closet out. I knew you would be the one who could handle this. If you're reading this, I'm obviously not here anymore. I want you to know that I'm finally at peace now. I hope you can understand and try to appreciate that little part of me that's not in pain anymore. I know this is going to be hard dear, but you're strong.

You're my sweet little girl. The girl I remember was reading every second you could. You were always reading and writing since I could remember. I also used to be the same way. I loved literature. It was my passion but I never had the courage to pursue it. In the box, there's a journal. Read it whenever you have a chance. It's nothing crazy, just something I did when I was going through the treatments. They are all dated and there's some letters of things I wish I could have told you.