Degrees of Desire (gxg, txs)

chapter thirty five

-Diana

Do you know that feeling you get when your secret has been discovered? Or the way your heart drops after someone has caught you red-handed?

I sat on my couch, chugging a bottle of wine while shuffling through multiple photos of Isabella and I. Pictures of us together in my car, or her at my doorstep. Pictures I never realized had been taken.

I woke up this morning to a knock on my door. Just a week ago, Isabella was standing here in this exact moment on her birthday. I assumed it was her yet I was met with a small yellow folder on my doorstep.

I took it inside and sat on the couch to open it up. I haven't moved since.

I have received multiple texts throughout the day from Isabella and even some from my sister. I was supposed to be going over this weekend to visit my parents. I couldn't bring myself to do anything.

There was a small note attached to the stack of photos. A note that I can't shattered my heart.

Leave her alone, or else you'll be exposed to everyone. Don't tell her about this or else you'll be exposed. 

It was a short yet very threatening message. Ruin my career, and maybe her's, by staying with Isabella or break both of our hearts and save my job/reputation.

What the fuck do I do?

I should have been more careful. I should have been more aware that something like this could happen. I was so head over heels for this girl that I pushed everything to the side.

My phone had been consistently ringing on and off. I felt the phone vibrate and I picked it up right away, it was my sister.

"Where are you at? Mum has been asking for you all day? It's late." Kate yells into the phone.

"I- I couldn't make it." I said trying my best to not let my voice crack. I hadn't stopped crying since I got these photos.

"Are you alright?" She asked much more quietly this time.

"I'm fine. I got to go. Tell mum I'll be over tomorrow. Goodnight K." I sniffled into the phone.

"Wait what's wrong-." I heard before I ended the call.

I got a quick peak of all the messages Isabella had sent me today. I threw my phone across the room and picked up my glass of wine. I was about 1 and a half bottles in now.

I've worked so hard to get to where I at now. I have a passion for teaching. I have a passion for literature. I get to be lucky enough to work in something that allows me to embrace both aspects of myself. I fought hard to get into this profession despite what everyone else had told me.

This job means so much to me but Isabella means more.

But how could I be selfish enough to put her future at risk too? These photos are incriminating for me but it can very much ruin her future as well.

Isabella has big dreams and plans. I've seen it firsthand. When we worked on her college applications, she wrote the most beautiful essays about her life and they were put together in a very meaningful way. I could tell she is going to do incredible things.

How can I ruin that?

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The drive to my parent's house felt so lonely. It once was a dreadful multiple hour car ride, until it became my favorite thing to do with Isabella by my side. Without her here now, it was back to its lonesome feeling that made me want her by my side again.