Degrees of Desire (gxg, txs)

chapter thirty eight

-Isabella

I finished changing after my gym class. I made my way towards her classroom as soon as I could but I was stopped by Iris and Elena.

They both asked if I had wanted to hang out and they began talking about some more school drama.

I wasn't interested in any of it. I had made my mind up to go to the TA period despite everything that is going on between Diana and I.

By the time I managed to slip away from Iris and Elena, Diana's classroom was empty. She was gone.

I got in my car and just drove home. A part of me was slightly disappointed on the fact that I didn't get to see her.

I know that with everything going on it's not going to be the same but that doesn't mean I didn't want to see how she was doing.

I know what I feel for her and I know she doesn't feel the same. I love her but I have to start moving on. I can't stay stuck on this forever.

I get home and head up to my room. I decided to lay down for a while before my shift at the coffee shop. Unfortunately, I couldn't miss anymore days of work.

Last week, Joe was understanding. I explained to him I was sick and he let me have the week off but I can't just stay locked up in my room forever.

I begin to scroll on instagram and I find a few pictures of Diana. Kate and I had followed each other on social media when we had initially met.

Kate seemed to have posted a couple of photos of them from New Year's eve.

I was supposed to be there too.

In the photo, Diana looked upset. Sad even.

I closed out of the app and turned my phone off. I decided to just start getting ready for work and just go in early. I could use the distraction and I'm sure Joe could use the help.

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It's been a three weeks now. We are on the last week of January and I find myself counting down the days until I graduate. I'm still waiting back to hear from any schools to see if I have been accepted but it seems the decisions won't come out until March.

I've slowly started healing from everything.

I hardly pay attention to Diana anymore. I see her in class and that's it.

I stopped showing up to the TA sessions. I just thought it would be better that way anyways. I don't think she wanted to see me and it would hurt me too much to go.

I'm doing a lot better now with my friends. Nate and I have started to slowly get back to how we used to be. Iris and Elena have still been going strong. Elena and I are the closest we have ever been and I have really enjoyed her company these past couple of weeks.

Whenever things were getting hard, she always managed to help me get my mind off of things by suggesting to hang out as a group.

Whenever some of them couldn't make it, we'd have our own little hang outs. Whether it was going somewhere or even just hanging out at the park.

Elena always offered to hear me out if I ever needed to talk to anyone. There were multiple times where I found myself wanting to just get everything off my chest but I always refused to.

Ashley has recently been trying to talk to me every now and then but I always ignore her. I'm still super upset at her for trying to lie to my friends about what happened.

She's been leaving me notes in my locker and trying to get me to talk to her. No matter how hard she tries, I'm not going to give in.

A part of me feels bad for her. I was once in her shoes. I was trying to figure out who I was and what I liked but I never did it at someone else's expense.