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"CARL'S DEAD." ELLA mumbled; Glenn's watch held tightly in her hand. "I'm almost glad you're dead. . . it would've torn you apart. I couldn't ever want to see how his death would affect you," a tear dropped down her cheek. She was now fiddling with the watch. Ella looked up at the sky. She remembered all the good times they had with Carl. The good times they should have kept sharing until old age. All three of them — Glenn, Ella, and Carl. You're going to beat the world; Lori once told her son. How wrong she was.
"I wish you were here though. Is that so selfish to want you, even knowing how much Carl's death would hurt you?" she took a deep breath. "Carl loved you so much. At least you're together now. If there's a life after this," she placed the watch back down on Glenn's grave. Ella barely kept herself together, remembering every interaction she saw (from a distance) between Glenn and Carl. She remembered the first time they met Glenn. Carl couldn't stop giving him the stank eye. Unknowingly. She asked Carl what his problem with Glenn was on day five of knowing Glenn, Carl told her he had no problem before he went off to play with Sophia. It was funny how he had no idea he had a problem with Glenn for that first little while.
"Well, that's all I had to say," she shakily whispered. "I love you. I'll come back when everything's over. If I'm still alive." Ella froze at the sight of Gerard walking down the dirt path.
"How do we keep meeting like this?" Gerard joked at the fact that they always seemed to have one-on-one time in a graveyard. He stopped just in front of Ella. "Rosita asked me to look for you. Her and a few other gals are heading out. Did you want to go with them?"
Ella shrugged. "Not really. I think I just want to stay inside Hilltop a little bit longer," she sighed. "Did you agree to find me so you could visit Yasmin's grave?"
He nodded, solemness flickering over his face. "Yeah, yeah. I just wanted to swap the old flower with a new one."
"Don't let me stop you." Ella stepped off to the side. There was a polite smile on her face, a smile that Gerard almost didn't catch.
Gerard made his way to Yasmin's grave, Ella trailed behind him. He tentatively set a pink flower down on her grave. His hand clamped over his mouth, a muffled cry emitting. His whole body shook as he cried. Ella, who stood behind him, moved her arms around his torso. She held him tightly. Gerard had comforted her so much the past few weeks, it was only right if she comforted him. "I'm sorry." Gerard whispered.
"Shut up." Ella croaked out.
He nodded.
They eventually pulled apart. When Gerard turned around to meet her face-to-face, she felt her heart break at the look of sorrow in his expression. They lost so much in these few short weeks. Nothing could have prepared them for this great of loss.
"Uh, I didn't know Carl well," he cleared his throat. "But I'm sorry. He meant a lot to everyone."
"Yeah," Ella blinked back the tears. "He did. . . god, it's so weird speaking about him in the past tense."
"It is. It's like they weren't even real to begin with, like the memories didn't happen."
Ella nodded. She pushed her bangs out of her face. "Should we go back to the house. . . make sure everything is okay, or. . ." she drifted off, glancing at the bench.
He took her hand and guided her over to the bench without really much effort. He could tell she would rather just sit than talk and listen to everyone speaking of Carl. His death caused her so much anguish, and she just needed a break away from thinking about death.
"Did Keegan-"
"Yeah. The dog is fine. He's here. I don't remember who remembered to grab him but he's here."
"Probably Carl."
Gerard nodded. "Yeah maybe," he paused. He had the sense to change the direction of their conversation. "What's gonna happen when this is over. Is life gonna keep going? We forget it all happened after Negan's dead?"
"No, but we try to move forward. Carl wanted us to build a future for ourselves. A better world," she said quietly. Gerard suddenly regretted asking that. "And I want to. I want to honor him. I want to have a future. . . for him."
"I think I'd like a better world, something similar to the old one."
"Me too. I just wish the future he wanted for us included him." Ella squeezed her eyes shut. An act to stop the tears.
He tentatively grabbed her hand. "It will. He will always be part of you. So, in a sense, he'll be there."
Ella smiled. She stared at Gerard for a moment, seeing him in a new light. He almost reminded her of Brandon. Brandon gave her "words of wisdom" as one would say when the Governor blew the prison apart. But Gerard wasn't Brandon. "You're a good person."
"What?" he cocked his eyebrows up.
"I feel like whenever I'm going through something, you're always there to comfort me. Like when I lost my baby, you just appeared. Or when you saw that I had been bitten, you believed me and you listened without judging," she squinted her eyes. "Why is that?"
His heart clenched. "People help people. I like helping," he looked her up and down. He wondered if anyone was really ever there for her. "Whatever's going on with you, we're in it together."
Ella couldn't help but smile at that. She took his hand into hers. It felt rougher than it usually did. Gerard stared at their intertwined hands. "Together then." Ella said. She was grateful the world was still kind towards her by bringing Gerard into her life. He was a hero in her story.
"Yeah."
Ella ripped her hand from his. She blew her bangs out of her face. "What's your favorite dessert?" she asked.
He made an expression to show he was in disbelief. "We. . ." his gaze lingered at her, trying to figure out if he should point out how fast she changed the direction of the conversation or if he should just let it be. "I. . . I really like chocolate. It's too bad chocolate candy bars have probably gone stale. What's yours?"
She lowered her eyes to the ground. "Cake. Any kind of cake. Which brings me to my next question. Do you want to go see if there's anything to bake a chocolate cake, or five chocolate cakes? I think it might lift everyone's spirits."
"That's thoughtful," he nodded. "Sure. Let's go make some cake."
Ella smiled.
She was long overdue for the simple pleasures of cake.
Miraculously, the Hilltop had all the needed essentials for the cake. Baking the cakes didn't take as long as she thought it would. They were quite fast. Seeing the looks of happiness was worth the sacrifice of baking supplies.
