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IT HAD BEEN three weeks since going back to Atlanta. Three weeks. Ella couldn't fathom the fact that they lost two people within that time frame, seemingly almost losing herself in the process after what happened in that house at Richmond yet she was still here with everyone else, keeping her secret clutched tightly to her chest with no means of telling anyone. The one exception being Glenn when she found the right moment, when they were safe and no one was going to kill her if the secret got out by an accident. If she told anyone else, they would kill her moments after. They would hold her down on the ground against her will and put that bullet in her head. So, she kept it hidden and she kept it a secret despite the heat getting to her every now and then.
She might've told everyone if she got a fever from it, but nothing even happened. She was fine. She was only petrified of what was going to happen to her, she didn't want to end up like the rest of their friends. Functioning yet dead with no conscience to keep her intact, decaying and feasting on the living. She had nightmares of turning into a walker every single night when she laid down and Glenn was always the one to comfort her, promising her with all his heart that she was going to be okay and that it was okay. It wasn't. She was walking with everyone in guilt. Guilt that she was still alive, but everyone was dead.
Whenever Ella looked at everyone here, she noticed that some of them had the same aura around them like she did as if they were keeping something a secret that shouldn't be a secret. They all held the look of guilt, the look of regret, the look of unhappiness. They all had it. Even the people they picked up along the way, none of them really every met Beth or Tyreese. They knew Ty better than they knew who Beth was. Yet she could see it on their faces that they were sad about both of their deaths whenever it was mentioned and referred to. Tyreese was much more relatable than Beth was. It didn't really make sense. But to Ella that made her feel worse.
How would they react if they told them about all the others who've died along the way to get to where they are now. Would they feel the same about Lori's death? Shane? Dale? Jim? Laura? Morales? Sophia? Hershel? Probably, she grimaced. To even think about mourning for a stranger made her feel weird. She didn't know who they were, what they were like, what they had done. She knew nothing about those people they lost themselves on the way to Washington.
Carol and Daryl left to find food and water more specifically to find food for Judith. To let a child be famished and to starve is like killing a puppy. It isn't right. It's wrong. With the way things are now though, it may as well be normal to let a child get to that point before they find food in a local grocery store. Ella wondered what Lori thought when she found out she was pregnant near that tree at the farmhouse. Did she feel remorse? Did she think about the life Judith was going to live when she peed on that sick? Ella frowned. Beth was so right about her being selfish except Lori never intended for it to happen. It wasn't her fault. Or Shane's.
It was only a matter of time. . .
"Why don't you take off that jacket?" Michonne snapped Ella out of her thoughts. She was staring heavily at Ella, all the sweat beading at her neck. "It's one-hundred degrees out here. You're going to be sick from the heat soon."
