Reader is Kaitlyn. She is a fellow Pouge and has been dating John B for a 8 months. She has struggled with depression since her father passed when she was 14 but never told anyone.
John Bs POV
I call Kaitlyn for the sixth time this morning and frown when I get here voice mail. "Hey it's Kaitlyn leave a message." I sigh. "Kate, it's me I'm getting worried. Call me back." I hang up the phone and toss it on the couch growing frustrated. "Still no answer?" JJ questions. I shake my head. "I've called her six times JJ. She said she was coming over." John B stresses. "It's only noon. Maybe she is still sleeping. She looked exhausted yesterday." Pope points out. "Maybe." I sigh recalling how quiet she was yesterday.
Kaitlyns POV
"Your phones been going off all morning." My brother Owen says tossing it on my bed before going across the room to his own. I groan scrolling through all the notifications. I had 7 text messages and six missed calls from John B. 4 messages from Kie and 2 from JJ. I didn't have the energy to respond to Kie or JJ so I just opened John Bs contact.
Lover 😍
- Good night beautiful
- Morning Sunshine
- Are you still coming over today?
- You ok?
- I tried calling but your not answering
- I'm getting really worried babe.
-Please answer me
- sorry I'm sick
I lie putting my phone down already drained from the two seconds it took to text my boyfriend back. Not even a minute later my phone rang again and I knew I couldn't keep ignoring him. I sigh and answer the phone.
-Are you alright?
-Yeah I'm sick.
-You want me to come over?
-No. Thats ok. Please don't. I'm gross.
-Are you sure? You know I don't care about that. We can watch a movie or something.
-Yeah I'm sure . I think I ate something bad. I would rather you didn't see me right now. It's not pretty.
-Alright... Feel better baby. Call me if you need anything.
-Thanks.
-I love you.
-You too...
I mutter before quickly hanging up. I knew I loved him I just felt guilty saying it back during the middle of a lie. "You sure that's helping?" My brother questions from across the room. "What's helping?" I question confused. "Pushing away your boyfriend when you need him." My brother says a concerned look of his face. "Fuck off Owen I'm fine." I snap pulling the covers over my head. "That's a lie and we both know it." Owen mumbles leaving the room. He was right. I wasn't fine. The last week has been hell. I cant eat, if I can I can't keep it down. I'm not sleeping, if I do I wake up crying. I haven't even showered in at least a week. Everything that used to make me happy isn't. Even John B, so yes I was avoiding him. Because he knows me better than I know myself and how am I supposed to tell him I am depressed. That even though I am with him I am not happy.
2 Days Later
John Bs POV
I haven't seen Kaitlyn in 4 days. I was seriously worried about her. She hasn't answered her phone at all but she asked me, more like begged me not to show up. After four days I felt it was warranted. Kie even agreed that I should go see her. So I drove over to her house wracked with anxiety. Her car was in the driveway so I knew she was home. Her brother answers the door a frown prominent on his face. "Hey. You lookin for Katie?" I nod. "Yeah. She said she was sick. I haven't heard from her in a few days." I say nervously. "She's in her room. Maybe you can knock some sense into her." He says letting me in. I follow him down the hall and pause seeing her curled up in bed. Her eyes were blank and empty. Her hair a mess and in the same clothes I last saw her in. "She's been like this a couple days. She hasn't gotten out of bed or eaten anything. I don't even know if she hears us." Owen frowns scanning over his sister. "Hey babe." John B says kneeling beside her bed so he was eye level with her. No reaction. It was as if she was looking right through him. "Kate." John B frowns placing a hand on her back. No reaction. John B had experience with depression episodes, not personally but his mother suffered from them. "I know it's hard right now, but you're going to get through this." He whispers pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Do you mind if I clean her up? It usually helps." John B questions looking to her brother for permission. "Yeah go for it. I'm out of options." Owen sighs sitting on his bed. John B pulls the covers off her and picks her up. She was completely limp in his arms. He carried her to the bathroom and drew her a bath. "I'm gonna put you in the tub. If your not ok with that I need you to let me know now." John B said sitting her edge of the tub. She doesn't acknowledge him so he hesitates before undressing her from her sweat soaked clothes and placing her in the water. She physically became aware of the change and pulled her knees to her chest feeling slightly exposed as John B massages shampoo into her hair. Once it was rinsed out he added conditioner and then grabbed her luffa filling it with body wash and wiping down her back not wanting to invade her space but still wanting her to feel clean. "I'll be right back." He says pressing a kiss to her forehead and heading back to her room. He strips the sweat soaked sheets off her bed and puts them in the hamper. "Do you have extras sheets somewhere?" John B questions Owen. "Yeah I'll get it. If you wanna make sure she's not drowning herself in there." Owen sighs slightly kidding but getting up to grab sheets. John B nods and grabs clean clothes before checking on his girlfriend. She actually looked a little better. John B pulled the drain and got a hair brush off the counter starting to brush her hair.
"Leave." She whispers. As he wraps her in a towel. His eyes snap to hers surprised to get a reaction from her. "No." He frowns slipping the over sized tshirt over her head as she fights against him. "Leave. I don't want you here!" She shouts arms hitting against his chest. "Katie stop." John B sighs hating seeing her like this. "Leave! Leave me alone!" She continues to shout pounding on his chest. "Katie. Calm down." He pleads. "Let me die." She shouts waking something up in him. "Stop!" He shouts back grabbing her wrist to stop her from physically fighting him. "Listen to me! I am not leaving! And I am sure as hell not letting you die! I fucking love you Katie! Stop fighting me! Please!" John B shouts. "Just let me help you." He whispers voice breaking. Hearing those words from him broke her. He let go of her wrist and she drops to her knees, John B barley having enough time to catch her and pull her into his chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." She sobbed wrapping her arms around his neck. "It's ok. You're ok baby. I got you. It's ok." John B soothed sitting on the floor. She snuggled closer to him beginning to cry harder. "I'm sorry." She sobbed burying her head in his chest. "It's ok baby. Don't apologize. This isn't your fault." John B whispers kissing the top of her head.
They sat on the floor for almost an hour before she calmed down. Him calmly rubbing her back and occasionally whispering words of encouragement. He knew that these emotions had to be let out and he wanted to be there for her. "It just gets so dark." She finally whispers. "Why didn't you tell me?" John B questions pulling back just enough so he could see her face. "It's embarrassing. Im broken." She whispers wiping her tears on her hand. "No. Don't say that. You are not broken. Don't ever say that." He frowns. "It feels like I am. I work so hard to be happy again and then I take one step and im drowning again." She said eyes brimming with tears once again. "How long have you been struggling?" John B frowns feeling incredibly guilty for not noticing sooner. "Just a couple weeks." She whispers. "When did it first start?" He questions. "This time or the first time?" She whispers looking down. "Whatever you are comfortable telling me." He sighs tucking a stray hair behind her ear. "It was a few weeks ago when I first noticed it. It starts off small. We were all on the porch and everyone was laughing except for me. I realized I was numb." She says letting out a choked sob. "I should have noticed. I'm sorry baby." He sighs. "It's not your fault. I've gotten good at hiding it." She whispers. "You don't need to hide it with me. I need you to talk to me. Can you do that for me?" He says giving her a small smile. She nods a little nuzzling her head against his shoulder. "Good girl. I love you. No matter what. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere." He whispers kissing her chapped lips.
