Safe With Me |18+

Balls Deep.

OKLAHOMA

You just gotta accept that everything is the way it is. Even if your balls are deep into the wrong hole. I guess I really do lose my mind faster than I expect.

I don't care. I was fine with the way my life is. I ACCEPTED it. Because sometimes it gets to the point where it's regular and I'm sick and tired of it. I'm used to it.

My life was like a jigsaw puzzle. The worst part was I didn't have any of the pieces I needed. I think I had lost them as I grew up.

Look at me now. Fucking look at me. I'm perfectly incapable of taking one more bullshit. I was at my edge. One more mayhem and all hell would break loose. You'd say bye bye the fuck to me.

I was losing my mind. I was just a kid. I was just 17. A fucking kid. It's the influence around you that has a big effect on you. Mine had a dirty one.

I'm not proud of my life. Sure I have shit I was proud of like my hair or my sense of style, but there are other intimate things that seemed very disappointing. For instance, losing my virginity to a fuck boy behind a Taco Bell isn't really that great.

But it happened. I got desperate. Or I just wanted to get it over with. So I did those things. And it made me think so less of myself that it occurred to me how many insecurities I began having.

I was not happy. Who is? Who the fuck is? I just wanted to be happy though. Maybe have a fucking pool. A big house. Or maybe a small one I can call home. Have a dog. Just some comfort.

I wanted to do better. Evidently I tried to show. I wanted to be a better role model to Elora. She was just a kid. She had dreams but describes them like they were the entire galaxy.

She was an angel. I knew I had fucked up several times and I felt like I hurt her indirectly but she always looked up to me. She always looked for me. She would never stop giving a fuck about me and I didn't feel that alone anymore.

I was in hell. She was in hell with me. But if we both burned in hell, I knew I'd be the one to get us out of there and save the little kid. That's all I want. A better life for her than what she got here. And I never want anything else.

**

I pushed open the door and I stomped out into the yard.

"Fuck you, dad! Fuck you!" I screamed.

"Come back here, you little cunt or I'll fucking gut you like a fish!" He uttered. I stopped in my tracks and I turned to him.

"What's your problem? You think you can come here and act like you're the best parent in the world? Fuck you!" I yelled, trying so hard to hold back my tears. I felt my cheeks burn with rage and my temper was going off in my head.

I needed to calm the fuck down too. But I had all this inbuilt anger towards him for being a dick of a father to even store it in any longer.

I needed to stand up for myself.

"Cora, if you don't get here, I'll come out there." He yelled again, flustered like a little bitch.

"Everyone will see who you are." I crossed my arms and I stared directly into his eyes. I wanted to show him I was a grown up now. That the bruises didn't hurt.

I clenched my jaw, staring at the 6'5 man at the doorway who was glaring daggers at me. I didn't wanna show him anything except wit and annoyance.

He growled and balled up his fists by his sides.

Okay. He was pissed.

He walked down the pathway and he stood in front of me. "You're a fucking brat." He said. I took a step back, clearly in a defensive position and attempted to run from him if he touched me.

I was too late.

He grabbed a chuck load of my hair and he dragged me inside the house. I looked around, screaming for help but there was absolutely no one. It was a fucking Saturday night. Everyone was probably watching some family movie, jerking off to porn hub or out at the bars.

"Let go of me, you bitch!" I yelled. I struggled to break free from his grip but he was too strong. I also partly feared if I pulled away he'd tear my hair off.

He shoved me inside the house and threw me on the carpeted floor. "You don't talk shit like that to me." He threatened. I felt a sharp pain on my cheek and he pulled his hand away.

"This is my house. You don't fuck with that. Or I will fucking sell you in Craigslist, whore!" He screamed.

I shuddered violently, caressing my cheek that he had so brutally hit. I bit my lip down hard trying not to cry at all. This was what I fucking deal with.

"Cora?" Elora entered the living room and stared at me as I lay on the floor, bleeding from my lip.

"Go to your room, kid." I said, still staring at dad as he looked up to see Elora standing behind me.

"But-"

"Go, Elora. I'm not asking you twice." I said in a strict tone, not even looking at her.

I heard footsteps scurry up the stairs and I glared at my so-called father.

"Get your ass up. Do your fucking homework." He commanded, strutting away from the room and out the front door.

I lay down flat on the floor and I winced in pain as all the bruises on my back spiked all at once. I was not gonna cry. Fuck no. I was strong. I was not doing that shit anymore.

I slowly rose up and I walked up the stairs, dragging my heavy, reluctant feet after each stair. I opened the door to my room and I entered the bathroom, letting the water run.

I stared at myself in the mirror.

I was gonna be a fucking laughing stock on Monday. Fuck me. I took off my used-to-be white shirt and my black jeans and tossed them in the laundry basket.

I stared at myself again in the mirror, seeing how my body had drastically changed. Was I gaining weight? Was I fat? Was that a pimple? Ew, was that my fucking roll of fat??!

I turned away from the mirror, ashamed by the sight of myself in the reflection. I fucking wished I was a vampire. I wouldn't give a fuck anymore. Because it was my problem. Not anyone else's. And I had to deal with it on my own.

I got into the shower, washing all the pain away. It sounded ridiculous and it was. Because the minute I exited the cubicle, I felt all the pain pang across my body from all sides.

Nothing new. I stared at myself once again in the mirror.

I had to accept it. Accept this, Cora. Either accept it. Or upgrade it. So? I bit down on my lip again and I nodded to myself.

"Fuck this shit."

I scoffed and walked away from the bathroom. How much easier it would've been if I was a toilet brush. Fuck this shit. There wasn't any more of me taking it. I wanted to change. I just didn't fucking know how.

*****