𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 - 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆

18 | Failure

There's always a tear right behind my laughter
Happy and sad
✧༺♥༻✧

I knew it would be trouble for me once I felt his lips on mine. I suddenly forgot how to think or pay attention to anything. I just kept daydreaming, the feeling of his lips on mine and the way he touched my body.

No, wait—No, nothing happened after we kissed. After a few shared shy glances he had left to shower since he didn't get to after the game, I think all the adrenaline caught up to me because once I got into bed I fell asleep. Waking up and not being able to suppress the smile on my face as he slept, a part of me wanted to join him on his bed and forget the morning run but I didn't.

And now I regret it. I regret not ending my run earlier so I could catch him before he left for practice. He was gone all day and the next—Sunday was the exact same, I saw him before my run but when I returned he was gone. He wasn't there when I fell asleep either. I tried to force this unwanted feeling of how he probably thought the kiss was some mistake. A moment that happened but realized we were better friends.

It was hard not to think that but as Monday came and during breakfast, Felix mentioned how the coach has been pushing the team to practice harder—something about their next game... look I don't know much about football so I ignored the rest and continued to mope.

"Jisung" I snap out of my hundredth daydream of the day. My cheek leaning on my palm as I look up at the teacher. She smiled down at me and I looked around to see the class emptied by the second. "Is everything alright?"

I nod and start packing up, "Everything's fine" I shove my notebook into my bag, standing up and slinging it over my shoulder. Looking at her she gives me a sympathetic smile, "Is everything fine?" I question.

I watch as she takes in a deep breath before saying "You failed last week's test" Her words hit me and I swallow harshly. I grip the strap of my bag on my shoulder and shake my head lightly. Before I could say anything she put her hand on my shoulder "I'll let you retake it tomorrow, how's that sound?"

"You don't allow retakes" I recall her telling us, making her chuckle and pull her hand away.

"I don't allow retakes when I know the student wasn't trying hard. I know you Jisung, it must've been a bad day"

I look down and inhale before nodding, looking up and meeting her eyes "Thank you"

"Of course, don't let me down tomorrow" I give her a small smile before I walk away and out of the class.

✧༺♥༻✧

My head pounded and I knew if I kept going like this I'll have wrinkles between my brows at a young age. My mom always said it's better to look younger than to look older since I used to hate how people said I looked too young for my age—now, I appreciate it.

I sit back on the chair and with a loud sigh, my laptop is my greatest enemy at the moment. The more I went over my notes the more it's turned into gibberish. No thought is coming to my head except my bed... well and my roommate but I don't have time for all that right now. Any of it. Including Luke.

I figured that's the reason I've been so caught up in my head. Things with Luke, ending it with him and how much got brought into light with him and his true feelings for me. Minho. His confession, the kiss. Ugh. My head was a jumbled mess.

I needed to push that aside right now. My biggest focus is school and passing this test. That is why I am in the library and not the dorm where the memory of the kiss remains.

My eyes that were trained on my screen lift for the first time as the freckled boy takes a seat before me with a smile "I was returning a book and saw you sitting here looking close to death"

"You don't have to sugarcoat it," I say sarcastically and Felix chuckles.

His face slowly took in my open notebooks and scattered papers, brows knitting together as he said "I don't remember you saying you had a test this week"

I shrug "I didn't have a test this week," I say lowly, shaking my head "But all my doing" I look at all the work.

"Hey" I look up to his now gentle voice "Don't work yourself too much, it's not good for you"

I stare at him for a moment before saying "I just feel so much pressure to prove—not just to myself but to everyone that I don't need my family wealth to get me to the place I want" I shrug again and let out a small sad chuckle "So, yeah, I do kinda have to work this much to get to that point"

Felix nods, taking in my words and saying "I really admire your determination and I have no doubt you will get far and to where you want to go"

His words make me smile, gratefully. You know I never realized I needed someone like Felix in my life until he showed up. Hyunjin is my best friend and he knew everything about me but sometimes in these types of moments I never felt like he understood me.

Felix did understand, in some way. He looked and listened to me like he knew every single thing I was about to say.

We talked for a few more minutes before he left and I was stuck studying for another hour. This was a never-ending study session.

Everything came to an end though as I checked the time and realized I only had five minutes until roaming hours ended and I didn't think I would survive a call to the dean's office on top of failing my test. So, I quickly packed up my things and walked out of the library.

As the crisp air hits my face I notice a familiar boy walking up the steps of the library and I stop. Watching him let out a breath of relief as he saw me "I was wondering where you were" He walked to me.

This is the first time I've looked into his chocolate brown eyes since that night, "I needed a long study session" I mean, true. I continue to walk down the stairs with him following beside me.

"In the library?" He questions "I didn't know you still study there" He was right, since this whole... thing with us started I hardly stepped foot into the library to study.

"I knew I would focus better" I push my hands into my pockets, growing uncomfortable. I never liked to admit my failures, never when it came to school.

"Must be important" Minho mumbled and I frowned, realizing how cold I was being but I didn't mean it.

I stop walking and so does he. Turning to him I sigh "I had to study for this test I took last week"

Minho furrows his brows "Last week?" He tries to understand.

I shrug "Yeah" continuing to walk "I failed it and I have to retake it tomorrow"

Minho grabs my wrist to stop me from walking, I look at him again and his hand leaves my wrist. I was preparing for him to tell me how much this wasn't a big deal. For him to look at me like this was some stupid thing to be hung up on. It was just one test, you can't get everything right. I was preparing for him to show me how much he doesn't understand.

"You'll do great on it tomorrow" He gave me a reassuring smile and so much relief washed over me. Minho holds out his hand for me to take as he says "But to be sure of it you'll need a long night's rest" I smile at him and take his hand.

I now understood that everything I was overthinking between us was stupid. The way he held my hand, walking us both back to the place it all began. He looked at me like he missed seeing my face just as much as I missed seeing his.

[Now playing : Goddamn Staying Power
by Mother Mother]