Loving You Too

12

Deanna's POV

I got super nervous when I heard the doors being unlocked. Jusko. Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari if Jema sees me here. Lord, please no! Hindi pwede.

Hindi ko na alam kung gaano ko katindi pigilan ang sarili ko to make any noise. I can feel sweats all over my body.

As I waited for the door to open, I heard someone near the door. So I went closer.

"Baby Dean, kamusta ka na? Mommy wants to say sorry to you. I almost introduced you to someone kanina. I know I hurt your Dada too much and I was hurt too."

It was Jema.

I felt like she just sat on the floor so I did the same.

"Sana you can forgive me too if Mom wants to move on na already. I'm sorry anak, if we had to end like this. Pagod na din si Mommy e."

I just felt my eyes getting wet as soon as I heard her say it. Para akong sinasaksak nang paulit ulit sa sinasabi nya.

"Andrei is a good man Anak. Pwede bang bigyan mo ng sign si Mommy na okay sayo na mag move on na ako? Sobrang lungkot dito anak. Sobrang miss na kita. I want to hug you.. I want to kiss you pero hindi ko magawa."

A-N-D-R-E-I?? Who is he? Ang bilis naman ata makamove on ni Jema. I wiped my tears, nakaramdam ako ng galit when I realized that Jema's about to introduce the new person in her life sa anak namin. Gusto ko syang iconfront. Dahil.. halos wala pang isang taon na nawala ang anak namin may kapalit na agad ako.

But...

Parang bigla akong binuhusan ng tubig when I heard Jema sobbing. Sya talaga ang kahinaan ko. I don't see her crying right now pero I'm hurting as much as she is now.

"Mommy wants to move on na. Please forgive Mommy if I can't love your Dada like before. She hurt me too much na.. pakiramdam ko hindi ko na sya kayang mahalin pa ulit. As much as I wanted to stay, hindi ko na kaya e. I'm sorry baby!"

She can't love me anymore. She don't love me anymore. Halos naging blurry na ang paligid ko sa kakaiyak. I bit my lower lip to stop myself from making noise because I was about to breakdown.

Yeah... it hurts. It fucking hurts! Hindi ko na alam when will these tears ever stop from falling.

"Pero napatawad ko na sya anak. Please help your Dada to move on too. Gusto ko din makita syang sumaya."

I smiled bitterly. Grabeh! I know Jema was so mad at me for what happened that night but here she is.. still hoping for me to move on too. Na maging masaya parin ako despite everything na ginawa ko.

Grabeh lang magmahal ang isang Jema Galanza.

Sorry anak if you felt like I was about to curse at your Mom kanina.. binabawi ko na. How could I ever be mad at this person. Sobrang genuine ng pagmamahal nya. Hindi man tulad ng dati pero I know she still loves me.

"I'm sorry anak. Just let Mommy be happy."

Naramdaman ko ang pag alis ni Jema sa pinto. Dun ko na binuhos ang lahat ng iyak na kaya kong ilabas. I hugged my knees while crying. Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko ang buhay na wala si Jema.

For the past five months, kuntento na akong makita sya sa labas ng bahay. Lalo na when she goes out sa garden para magpahangin at minsan umiyak.

I was there nung pinuntahan nya si Mafe sa ospital. Nung nagwala sya dahil hindi parin gumisiging si Mafe from her coma.

I was there too nung first and last time na dinalaw nya ang puntod mo.

I was with her the whole time I think. Pero mali pala ako. Hindi ko namalayan na she's seeing someone na pala. Kaya rin siguro I don't see her often sa bahay o kahit sa puntod mo.

I'm sorry anak. If only I tried my best to fight for your Mom. Hindi sana kami maghihiwalay. She will not choose to move on from me.

But I guess, I was the reason too bakit hindi nya magawang maging masaya.

I love her too much anak just to let her go. Pero ganun ko din sya kamahal para hayaan syang maging masaya. Masaya sa piling ng iba.

I'm sorry anak.

I'm really sorry!

Give your Mom the signs she needed anak. Let her be happy because that's what she truly deserves.

Dada loves you so much anak. Medyo matatagalan pa bago tayo magkita ulit. Pero.. I will see you.

I promise.