SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL, J.HUGHES

TWENTY EIGHT

JACK'S POV

Forever, will we be friends forever? That's what I'm wondering.

Maybe 'forever' is meant for memories, not people. Everything has its time, whether it's in life or when the curtains close. It's tough to wrap your head around the fact that pursuing love, making new connections, or delving into deep relationships also means you're vulnerable to getting hurt. People can flip a switch on how they feel about you, or life can just take you on a wild detour, and sometimes you're left there, feeling like there's nothing you can do about it.

And that's probably what I will be wondering for the rest of my life.

My fingers are tracing the contour of my phone, searching for a closeness with her. As if she could feel my touch through the screen. I'm looking at her insta story, for the past thirty minutes. I'm fascinated by her, and I can't get enough. Her blond hair with her slightly tan skin. I'm talking about Morgan. Not Riley.

It's funny, isn't it? How someone can consume your thoughts, your emotions, your time, even when they don't know it. Here I am, scrolling endlessly, trying to capture a piece of her through pixels and fleeting moments shared online. I wonder if she ever thinks about me as much as I think about her. Probably not. She's out there living her life, creating those perfect stories, while I'm stuck here, an observer, a silent admirer.

I guess what I'm grappling with is the reality of change. We cling to the idea of 'forever' because it gives us comfort. But deep down, we know that everything is transient. Relationships, feelings, even the people we care about the most. It's hard to accept that what we have now might not be what we have in the future.

Life is complicated. Emotions are messy. And maybe that's why the idea of 'forever' feels so comforting. It's a promise of stability in a world that's constantly changing. But maybe, just maybe, it's time to let go of that illusion. To accept that 'forever' might just be a series of 'nows' strung together. And that's okay.

So here I am, tracing the contour of my phone, caught between memories of the past and the uncertainty of the future. Wondering if Morgan will ever know how much she means to me, or if Riley will ever understand the conflict inside me. Forever, will we be friends forever? I guess only time will tell.

Over and over, I can't stop replaying her story of her life in London, where she looks so happy. I feel this emptiness in my stomach since she's gone to Montreal the other day. We talked once since she had come back and then poof, she was gone again, making me feel empty again. And then, silence. That's what I call it. Silence. I haven't heard from her since, and that's also okay since she doesn't owe me anything. She's my friend.

Luke told me that I was dumb, but do you know how I decided to prove him wrong? I invited Riley on a date. I freaked the hell out when I felt this emptiness and decided that it was time for me to move on and replace her.

I'm probably becoming a mess, and people must think I'm too busy to even think about it, but that's the thing. I have to much time to think about it. At practice I think about it. When I drive, that's all I can think of. When I eat, shower, pee, I always think about her. And it's starting to drive me crazy. 

I have to put the blame on me since I'm the one always running after her. Two years ago, we were over. She had forgotten about me. I can't stop thinking about the day she got engaged and that I heard the news. I had planned to reach out to her two weeks before, and I choked. Then there she was getting married. I smashed my glass on the floor, and yes, I cried. It felt like my whole world was collapsing underneath me.

What would my mom say about this? Would she be proud of me or not? I'm trying to act like a man, be an adult, but it always seems like I'm walking from behind. I can commit, I'm afraid. I love being alone and independent, it always feels like I'm getting bored. But I'm never bored of her.