//Rafe Cameron\\
"You don't make deals with the devil, not unless you want to dance with him and maybe I did"
Lily Grant has spent her whole life slumming it with the pogues, being that she is one.
They're her day ones, her best friends. Life coul...
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I tap my fingers across my knee, squeezing my phone tighter in my grasp as I bite down on my bottom lip and sigh. The rubbery phone case edges digging into my palm.
I know better.. I do but what really is the harm?
I'm a minor.. It's the internet..
I roll my eyes, dropping my head back against the wall, dropping my phone into my lap before I just press the damn button but there's a small logical side to me.. teeny tiny but right now it's screaming. I could squash it between my fingers if it was something to hold, that's how small my conscious is. Staring at the ceiling that I swear is looking down on me disapprovingly. It's seen me do worse.
I've never been the biggest social media fan. I might have zero filters and no shame in speaking my mind or doing extravagant things like dancing half naked on a table in front of everyone at a party but privacy is important to me. I've never cared much to post my life on some app for everyone to gawk at and judge. I will say I used to have an account, with a profile picture and posts.. posts of Ella and Tiffany and I. Ella had talked me into getting it since they both did.
I didn't keep up with trends or highlight my story with pictures of the sunset or my iced coffee but I'd post pictures, dances, parties, Halloween.. the three of us. But after the accident I deleted everything except the account itself. Despite the messages that invaded my inbox like a disease, kids from school taunting and harassing me and deeming me a murderer. I couldn't bring myself to erase it all, I would have felt like I was erasing a piece of them since they're the only reason I downloaded it. Instead I archived the posts into a folder. Now all that remains is a blank profile with nothing but numbers for a username and an empty white box that used to be filled with color, smiles and matching outfits. Pictures that should have been looked back on and reminisced with smiles and laughter. All of it only soured into painful memories filled with regret and grief.
If only I hadn't changed lanes. It's my fault.
I'm not sure if I want to thank or punch whatever summoned me to open it randomly last night at one in the morning when I couldn't sleep. I fought it before I finally gave in and logged into the stupid account. Almost wishing I had forgotten the password so I had an excuse to keep it closed but I remembered it, it seems I remember anything and everything to do with Ella and Tiffany, even the small things. Like any trace of their presence is highlighted in my mind while everything else is black and white scrawl.
I don't want to forget them.. only what I did.. how I took their lives.
I scrolled through accounts of people from school that I didn't unfollow. I hadn't bothered, I just deleted the app.
