//Rafe Cameron\\
"You don't make deals with the devil, not unless you want to dance with him and maybe I did"
Lily Grant has spent her whole life slumming it with the pogues, being that she is one.
They're her day ones, her best friends. Life coul...
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Liam told me to give Rafe space but it's been four days and he hasn't so much as texted me. I cried so hard that my headache far surpassed that of Sarah's hangover despite having been on the verge of alcohol poisoning..
I've never cried over a man. Never. Aside from my father but that's different and I did shed tears over Kade. His actions and the abuse I endured for him, but not a single one of those tears came from the same place these ones did even if I don't know exactly where that is. Somewhere deep and tender behind my ribs, radiating suffocating weight through my chest and thickening the blood in my veins. Feeling like I touched live wire every time I play it over in my head. He was so angry. Not an ounce of softness in his eyes, emitting an icy presence so strong I feared his self restraint would crumble if I dared to touch him, trigger him to spew venom that would undoubtedly kill me.
I don't know why. I don't know what has me wanting to scream and sob and etch deep lines into my skin with any blade I can find. Assaulting my lip has taken the blow of physical pain so far. Bruised and swollen having been my attempt at stopping my tears but all it did was fill my mouth with the salty copper tears of blood while tears slid down my face.
I don't understand what's come over me or why I feel this way especially towards someone who I hated so much it physically pained me. I don't hate him anymore, not even in the smallest way aside from resenting him for whatever the hell he's corrupted me into feeling.. Instead I crave him like oxygen, I need him as much as I need water to exist. He's become an iv to the life I've been fighting to want to keep and I've ripped him from my vein..leaving me bleeding out and desperately trying to scoop it up before it kills me.
We didn't break up.. We aren't dating yet he's not even my other half, he just possesses me and more than content with that.
I think half of this agony isn't just what I did and how he reacted but the building pressure of things I want but can't have. Things I'm denying myself as soon as they blossom. Stomping on them until their petals breaks and mush into the ground.
It's beyond frustrating to be at war with yourself.. Half of you wants to reach the hand extended, step over the cracks and fire and let the other side consume you until you're healed. But the other half is too afraid and yanks away every time it's hand gets close enough to grasp. Instead wallowing in the flames; but it can only burn so long before it turns to ash and nothing worth living for comes from ash.
"Come on Lil" Kie cups my shoulders and rubs softly, the subtle movement making my body sway into her motion. My bones feel brittle and as strong as twigs, like they might snap at any pressure applied. Her fingers brush under my chin before she tilts my face up and dabs a coat of lip gloss across my lips.
