Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

✦ { Holly } ROYAL Lies

Reviewer: lantea-

Client: RosesinRedXX

🌹》Title, Cover, & Blurb
The title should be capitalized like "Royal Lies." The title fits the story and is appealing though. The picture on the cover is very pretty! The font doesn't match well though. The title is hard to read because of the off-set text. I recommend moving either the series name or the author name to the top of the cover so all the text isn't squished at the bottom. The blurb introduces the characters and story pretty well. It feels a little too short though. In the sentence, "When Everetta and her companions are reincarnated they come back with one thing in mind to get back their crowns." there should be a colon so it's like "When Everetta and her companions are reincarnated they come back with one thing in mind: to get back their crowns."

🌹》Plot
The plot of the story is alright, however, it feels like it's progressing slowly. It feels like not much has happened yet. Some of the plot also doesn't make sense and it's hard to understand. In the first chapter, Everetta mentioned they've been sleeping on dirt and cold rocks. Later on in that chapter though she says they've been walking for two weeks straight with no breaks. The exposition introduces the characters pretty well considering they don't remember much, other than Eli. The world could be introduced better. The information about the world is dumped on the readers.

🌹》Characters
The characters are introduced and described well. Their personalities are also shown well and a lot in the chapters. I wish we could see more sides of their personalities though. Eli is angry and haughty while Everetta is excitable and wants to one-up Eli. Some of the characters also aren't very likable. Eli is rude and looks down on everyone. Everetta gets kinda annoying after a while. Their fight over the meat was very childish for two rulers of kingdoms.

🌹》Grammar/Spelling
There are a lot of spelling and grammar errors in the chapters. Common mistakes I noticed were incorrect words (example: using "their" when it should be "there"), spaces missing, and spaces where there shouldn't be.

🌹》Writing Style
The writing style needs some work. The story feels like it's written like a diary. The character's share their opinions on things a lot. Narration needs to be included as well. Make sure you're showing the readers what's happening instead of telling them. Also, be sure you're describing the scenery as well. In the prologue, you have this sentence, "Then again, they do feel quite familiar, especially that boy, and not just the I've seen you here and there kind of familiar more like the I know know you familiar." I suggest formatting it with quotations, italics, or some other way so the phrases are clearer. For example, "Then again, they do feel quite familiar, especially that boy, and not just the "I've seen you here and there" kind of familiar, more like the "I know know you" familiar." Instead of just saying "a week later....." use a fleuron (example: ***) and then say something like "A week later I arrived in the capital of the Summer Court."

🌹》Enjoyment
The mystery of the story is interesting, however, I don't think I'd read on. Some of the plot was hard to understand. There also was quite a bit of information dumped on the readers about the world and it was also hard to understand. As mentioned, the characters also weren't likable.

🌹》Overall
Overall, the plot needs to be clearer and the pacing needs to be faster. The world also needs to be introduced better so the readers are able to understand the world. Be sure to not dump information on the readers so they don't get overwhelmed. The characters are introduced well and their personalities are shown throughout the chapters. The characters need to be developed more. Make sure descriptions of the scenery are also included. The story also needs an edit to fix the spelling and grammar errors. Show the readers what's happening in the story instead of telling the readers. Good luck with your story!