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✦ { Kailyn } Scarred Smile

CLIENT: @MrReader19999

REVIEWER: @kailucy

Title: 9/10

The title is simple and gives an idea of what the story might be about.

Cover: 9/10

The cover is good. The color scheme is nice and the subtitle gives more insight on the title.

Blurb: 8/10

The blurb does a decent job at introducing the main character: Polly. It gives a little info on the plot and stakes. Some of the lines, however, could be written a little better but overall it’s good.

Characters/character development: 6/10

Characters are okay. Could use a little work to make them more believable. The development is starting to take place at 4-5 and I have a few guesses of what will happen.

Mainly, I found it hard to believe that Polly is just good. Maybe give a little more backstory to explain why she believes in other’s no matter what. Or anything to give her that conviction. Same with Dolly maybe elaborate more on her personality and why she came to a different conclusion than Polly. So far their characterization is “scar, people don’t like them. Polly is good. Dolly is not.”

Try to show more of them outside of their scars. Like Dolly likes art, that’s a great hobby. Sometimes it helps for you, as the author to know a lot of useless things that will never appear in the story but it will make them feel real to you and then you can channel it onto the page. Know how they grew up, their relationship with their parents, favorite color, song. The information will probably never be directly stated in the book but it can be hinted at.

Plot: 13/20

The pacing is really fast. It’s hard to believe how quickly Polly trusts Dolly and how quickly they become friends. I’m aware that some friendships can hit it off right away. In fact my best friend and I hit it off right away but the way it’s written doesn’t seem reasonable at all. Maybe a part of it is that I’m paranoid so there’s no way I’d ever get in a car with someone I’d just met. But I just find it a little unreasonable. Maybe have them meet up a few times in public places before they trust each other just like that.

I think that could help it a lot. Build up a small friendship at first before they just start trusting each other.

The idea of Dolly’s drawings coming to life was a fun plot twist. I was not expecting that at all.

The cliffhanger at the end of chapter three was great. Well done.

Writing style: 14/20

The dialogue isn’t bad itself but it’s hard to read an emotion behind it. Maybe try adding some actions for the characters while they’re talking?

There was a lot of head hopping. Basically when you’re writing a scene stick to one characters thoughts. When you want to switch give an indication like *** or something. You don’t want to do it too many times in a chapter though.

Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 7/10

There weren’t a lot of spelling mistakes but I did catch on in chapter 3. “Thanks for NOT freaking out too much…” you had nit written.

However, you constantly switch between past tense and present tense. Try to stick to one. It can be hard sometimes to catch it but it does make reading the book hard.

Enjoyment: 8/10

I didn’t mind it. I liked a few things about it, there were a few things that made it a little hard to completely enjoy. Overall it wasn’t bad.

Overall: 74/100

Overall, you have a lot of potential. The idea of the story is great, it could use a little bit of work. If you wanted to take the criticisms I would start with the characters. That would help the story the most. If they feel more dynamic it will improve everything drastically. You don’t have to redo anything you have so far just keep writing and you’ll see improvements. The best thing you can do is practice. Maybe try some different writing exercises for characters. Those can be very helpful. 

Keep writing!