Check-Mate

36. Missing

Chain Pov

Why the hell did I say that? How could I say such nasty things to Warm?

It's Warm, for god's sake! The Warm who loves me more than anyone else! The Warm who spoils me! How could I be so mean to him? Why did I have to take out my frustrations on him? I am such an asshole!

Now, Warm is missing. Everyone is in a panic frenzy, looking for him everywhere. But we can't find him.

This is bad. He must have left because of me, because of all those stupid things I said to him!

How could this happen? Warm, my Warm, he is pregnant. Where will he go in such a condition? If pack members find out about his pregnancy, they will surely attack him.

Warm, please be safe.

I am sorry. I am really very sorry. I was just too jealous.

You know how possessive I am. When I saw P' Gym being so caring and tender towards you, helping you carry your things and taking care of you, I was jealous as hell.

I know he is an enigma, and he can have multiple mates. As a stupid omega, there is nothing, I can do about it.

I wouldn't blame him if he found you more attractive than me. Most of the werewolves do. Almost all alphas and betas in our pack who want an omega like you to be their mate. You are smart, kind, gentle, and pretty. All things I can never be.  

Even back in school, there were a lot of them who wanted to approach you. Some even approached me so that they could get to you through me.

You have no idea how many times those people had used my feelings to get information about you.

You had always been in a shell, knowing nothing. It had always been me who suffered.

I know it had nothing to do with you. I don't resent you or anything. But when I saw you with my enigma... I don't know if I could call him mine as I can never claim him, but I hated every single second of watching you two interact.

The thought that he might want to choose you over me was killing me from inside. I know that him marking me might have been the end result of me hurting his ego by rejecting him for being an enigma. 

Why else would he mark me? I am certainly not the kind that he wants to be with. 

Ever since I got marked, my self-esteem had hit rock bottom. You know, especially after all that pain that I had to go through when that enigma was mating with someone else just a few days after marking me.

Then, it was not just the physical pain I felt. It was mental pain and mostly emotional pain. I don't know how to explain. 

I have never felt beautiful or attractive as an omega. Truth be told, I know I am too brute to be called an omega.

In the past when you used to tell me that I should stop sleeping around, I never listened. Do you know why? It's because I wasn't sleeping around to have my physical needs fulfilled. I slept around for affirmations. The affirmations that I am attractive too, that I can charm men too.

But all those affirmations could make me confident enough on my skin. The little bit of confidence I had was shattered by the enigma during those few days after he marked me.

When he asked me about P' Terk, and talked to me in an accusive tone, as if I was having an affair, I felt mutilated. It's true that I have been spending a lot of time with P' Terk but it is not because I have some kind of feelings for Phi.

It's just because I feel like I am finally home with him. No, don't take it in that sense. I know I should be feeling at home with my mate, but this is different.

I just feel so safe with P' Terk. It's as if he is my family. He doesn't judge me or make me feel less valued. I really did mean it when I told Warm that I felt comfortable around P' Terk. I do feel comfortable around him.

He just feels so warm, like Warm. I might sound ungrateful here, but I have never felt at home with my aunt and uncle. Yes, I do call them Mom and Dad and they have given me everything I have now and all the love I have received to date. But the fact that I am not their real son always haunted me. I never told anyone, but I know I was not home all these despite all the efforts they had been putting into making me feel welcomed and at home. 

It is a whole different case with P' Terk. When I am with him, I don't think that I need to hold back on my emotions or thoughts. I don't have to watch what I do. I can just be me. I know it might sound like something else, but our relationship is purely platonic.

It's as if... as if he is my own Phi-chaai. I know it sounds weird. But that is really how I feel.

I don't know if he feels the same. Maybe he is just being nice to me because he thinks that I am Warm's twin for real.

He really cares about Warm. I am happy that he wants to be with Warm. I am happy for Warm.

There's a part of me that wants to be treated the same way P' Terk treats Warm by that enigma. But I don't think it is possible. I don't want to get my hopes up and get disappointed in the end. After all, expectations are the root cause of all the disappointments, right?

I wish I got pregnant too, with the Enigma's pup, just the way he wanted. But I am afraid that he would leave me just the way my father left my mom when she got pregnant with me. She had always told me good things about him to me till the day she died. All those stupid romantic things he used to do for her. I don't want to become like her.

Is it seriously wrong to want a mate who can be mine and mine alone? Or is it wrong because I want that mate to be the asshole enigma who marked me without my permission?

I feel greedy for wanting that. I feel greedy for wanting all the attention, love, and care from the enigma whom I can never claim as mine.

And this greed, this possessiveness, and my obsession with him were the ones that made me go all out on Warm. I know that my actions are not justified.

I regret saying such mean, disgusting words to that one person who had stuck to my side despite my trying to push him away all these years. I regret.

Where are you, Warm? Please, come back na...