Check-Mate

39. Burden

Warm Pov

Agreeing to come here was the worst decision I made. I don't know if it's due to my pregnancy that I am unable to think straight these days.

Yesterday, I had a little argument with In. He said a few things that stung, deep and hard. I started getting the feeling that he didn't want me around anymore. That's why, in a hurry, I decided to follow Khun Terk here.

But now that I got here, I regret it. It's not like I had anywhere else to go. It was just a matter of time that I got kicked out of my pack and left helpless. So, coming to this pack might seem to be a better option. Yet, why do I feel otherwise?

This is the first time I am going somewhere unfamiliar without anyone with me. Even when I moved to Bangkok to attend university, I still had In with me.

I don't know if I should be calling him In anymore. He just gave me a reality check yesterday. Ever since the day he came to our family, I had been clinging to him. Initially, it was just out of the excitement of having my cousin over for the first time. 

Later, when Mom and Dad told me that they were adopting him and he would be staying with us from then on, I was over the moon. They told me that I had to make him feel at home and I did. I did everything so that he would not feel left out.

I stuck to him like a magnet on iron. Perhaps I stuck to him so much that I myself forgot that we were not twins, that were not even siblings, we were just cousins.

Chain reminded me of that yesterday and it was like a loud slap which woke me up from my delusions.

All these years, it had never crossed my mind that my presence might actually have been unwelcome by him. He is my best friend, my sibling, and everything to me other than my parents but it might not have been the same for me.

I mean, he has a lot of friends and none of those friends are like me. Honestly speaking, Chain and I have nothing in common. He is very different from me.

How come it never occurred to me that I might have been a burden to him all along?

Maybe the reason he insisted that he went to a university in Bangkok, was to get rid of me. Yet, I followed him here as well because I didn't want to be without him.

He had been accommodating towards me and my needs by that doesn't mean that he liked doing it, right? He would always adjust according to my needs. Just like how he had to stay in Bangkok till my exam was over. If he had gone home on the day his exam ended, then he would have been at home when he got the heat. Then he wouldn't have run into the enigma nor got marked by him.

I am so stupid. It was my fault all along. It was because of me that P' Gym entered his life. 

Why am I playing the victim when he had been the victim all along?

Actually, I never blamed him for the things he said yesterday. He isn't completely wrong. 

These days, I feel that my body is no longer mine. It's as if my whole body is under the influence of aphrodisiac. My body has been extra sensitive, and my genitals are wet almost all the time. Plus, I feel my body temperature going higher and it is so uncomfortable.  

I have lost count of the hours I had spent under the cold shower, touching myself. It is so disgusting that I am starting to behave like this.

The doctor had warned me that this is natural during pregnancy and omegas often have a higher sex drive during this time. But that's the story of mated omegas, not an unmated one like me.

I feel like a whore for wanting to be touched when I do not have a mate. That does not mean that I wanted P' Gym to touch me or anything like Chain thought. I have never even thought about it that way.

The one I want to be touched by is my pup's father. How repulsing can my thoughts be, right? He is not mate. I shouldn't even be thinking about him like this. He helped me with my nesting, and this is how my thoughts are getting more and more prevented. I feel revolted by myself.

"Warm?" I hear his voice and look up.

He is sitting on a chair placed next to me. When did he get here? How come I didn't notice him?

"Khrab?"

"Are you okay? I have been calling you for a while, but you seemed to be zoned off."

"I am okay, Khrab."

"If you are okay, then why are you crying?"

"Crying?" I touch my face. My cheeks are indeed wet. I didn't realize that I had been crying at all. "I am just homesick, Khrab." It was not a complete lie. It was just that it was no longer my home.

"Why don't you give them a call and tell them that you arrived here?"

 "I already did, Khrab." I give him a thin smile. 

"I just came to ask if you liked your room." He says with a nervous chuckle.

"It's good Khrab," I don't know how he addresses this as a room. It is as big as a condo. The interior is very similar to my room back home. I think he had people redesign the room for me. Why do I feel troubled by this?

"The kitchen! Did you like the kitchen?" He asks with an expected smile.

"It's good as well, Khrab" The kitchen attached to my room has almost every facility starting from utensils to cookware. It's so perfect.

"Everyone told me that you like to cook. That's why I had a kitchen made attached to your room."

I nod in response. Why am I being a burden to everyone? Until yesterday, I was Chain's burden. Today, did I turn to Khun Terk's burden?

"You don't have to worry na. You won't be lonely for long. In will come here in a week or so to live with us."

In? He is calling him so intimately, when did they grow so close? And why would In come here? I am sure that he doesn't want to be around me. Then why?

Don't tell me he is here for Khun Terk? Is something going on between them? Are they in love with each other? Why should I care? It's none of my business. Chain had cut me off from his life already and Khun Terk, I never really had anything to do with him.

No wonder Khun Terk seemed enthusiastic about removing the mating mark on Chain. No wonder Chain liked spending time with Khun Terk rather than P' Gym. Everything makes sense now!