delicate

64

"Hey."

I opened my eyes, looking at Kai. He was lying next to me, and he has been most of the day. He's barely left my side the last few days. I haven't been able to speak to him or anyone. I haven't left his apartment, and I haven't let anyone see me.

"I have to go see Damon. Will you be okay for a while?" I nodded. He raised up and leaned forward, kissing my temple. "I love you."

He got up and walked away. I could sense that he didn't want to leave me alone.

A few minutes later, I heard the front door open, then shut. I closed my eyes again, trying to go back to sleep.

The only thing on my mind was talking to Ryan's mom.

I forced myself to sit up. I moved back to lean back against the headboard. I kept the blanket pulled over me. I grabbed my phone and opened my contacts. I took a few deep breaths before calling. I put the phone to my ear.

"Evelyn! I wasn't expecting a call from you. How are you?"

"I'm hanging in there."

"Is something wrong, sweetheart?"

I felt a lump in my throat. "Yeah, um..." I inhaled sharply. "Are you somewhere you can talk?"

"What's going on, Evelyn? Is Ryan okay?"

Tears spilled from my eyes at the mention of his name. "Ryan's dead, Ms. Miller." After a quiet gasp, a gut-wrenching scream pierced my ears. It soon turned to sobs. It only made me cry harder.

...

The call from a week ago was still hanging over my head. I felt guilty for not going to her in person, but I still haven't left the apartment. I haven't spoken yet either.

"Okay." Kai knelt down beside the bed to get eye level with me. He placed his hand on the side of my face. "Are you sure you don't want to go?"

Damon and Elena already had this engagement party planned weeks ago. I never told them if I could go or not. I would like to go celebrate, but I feel like I can't move.

He tilted his head. "I'll be back in a few hours." He brushed his thumb across my cheek. He slid his hand to my neck and kissed my cheek.

He pulled away from me, then walked away.

I hated being like this. I haven't left the bed the entire day. The only time I got up yesterday was to shower.

I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling. For a while, I contemplated why I was like this. Ryan asked me not to be this way. He wouldn't want me to be like this. He would've wanted me to go to the party.

I glanced at the clock, seeing that it was too late. There was only half an hour left.

I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. I rested my head on top of my knees. After a moment of thought, I uncurled and got up. I slowly walked to the living room, stopping a few feet from the couch.

I walked to the kitchen. On the island, there was a bottle of bourbon. I grabbed a glass and filled it halfway. I sat the bottle down. I hoisted myself onto the countertop of the island, letting my legs dangle.

I grabbed the glass I poured and slowly drank it. I poured more into it, then drank that. After swallowing the last drink, I poured what was left in the bottle. I took a drink, then another.

I brought the glass to my lips, pausing and looking over at the front door as it opened. Kai walked in and shut the door. He started to walk toward the bedroom. I whistled, and he stopped. He turned to me. He looked confused at first, then relieved.