Unraveling Secrets

Chapter 35

I don't know about you guys.... but I think it is time for Antonio to share his POV...

Antonio

She put me to the ground. No let me rephrase that. She put me to the ground like she would swat off an annoying bug that landed on her. As if it was just another day of chores. 

I mean I never wanted to doubt her, but she didn't grow up with us. She isn't apart of the world that we are, and to see her easily take me down has me stunned.  You would never know she wasn't apart of this side unless you knew the truth about our family. If you were new to it all, Nova could probably scare some people off. 

I feel some type of warmth spread through my heart, one I haven't felt in a long time, and I can't pin what it is. 

I take her out stretched hand, allowing her to help me up off the floor. I feel like I need to ice my dick. She definitely didn't need to kick me that hard, but I know I deserved it.

She probably hates me. I have done nothing but shove her away. Hoping she can hate me enough to want nothing to do with me. I knew it would hurt, seeing her warm up with my brothers while ignoring my presence. I thought it would make it easier on me. I thought if she didn't have anything to do with me, then if things went south it wouldn't hurt as much. I don't plan on letting anything happen to her, I made that promise to myself once I heard she was found. But I  feel like I always carry some of the worst luck, and that I bring other people down with me. I would hate to not be able to protect her, I couldn't when we were all kids, and what if I can't now? 

I want to do better for her, I don't want to push her away. I want to be able to laugh with her and talk with her like my brothers can. I want her to view me as family, as her brother. Someone she trusts, and can go to when she needs something. But I don't know how to be that for her. I have missed out on so much of her life, and I don't know what she needs from me. I am not sure what I am supposed to do. I feel like when she was taken my emotions got all fucked up, and that I was numb. I don't know how to fully fix them. I mean sure, I know they are there. I just got so good at suppressing them, that I feel like anything  I will attempt will be all wrong. 

I am dragged out of my thoughts when I see all of my brothers still gawking at Nova. It is a little rude they didn't ask if I was okay after the kick to the junk I just took. I roll my eyes and sit back down.

Nova is acting so unfazed. She is just eating her pancake as if 2 seconds ago she didn't just throw me to the ground. I mean her breath didn't even falter. She did it so effortlessly. It makes me wonder how many times she had to protect herself like that. How many guys thought they could take advantage of my sister. 

I think back to the time I called her a whore, and instantly I feel sick. I felt sick when I said it, I just thought that would be the one thing that would get her to steer clear of me. And now I just want to go back in time and ask her for all the names of guys who tried shit with her. I want to torture them until they are on the brick of death, and then allow them to heal, just to repeat the same torture over and over until I am bored of it. But even then it would never be enough in my eyes. 

I regret so many decisions, and I can't believe it took a drunk conversation with her for me to finally see it clearly. I know I need to apologize again when I am not intoxicated, but I want to do it without my brothers around. I don't need them eavesdropping on me and thinking I have gone all soft. Internally I know that isn't what they would think. They would probably be glad I was owning up to my shit, but I just can't help but worry people will think I am weak. I feel like that is a problem I picked up when I suppressed my emotions for so long. It is as if I forgot how to act like a normal person.

Shaking my head to bring myself out of my thoughts, I glance at Nova. She is still eating the pancakes like they are all that matter right now. I want to laugh, but I feel like she would get the wrong idea as to why I was laughing. But just watching her all I can do is circle back to how clean and fast she was with her moves. And I think it is pride I feel spread within me. Even though she wasn't with us, she still fits in perfectly. And right now all I can think is that my sister is a fucking badass. 

Word Count: 910