Divine's Time

4. cold

Camry

"I'm done with his ass, girl. He's just so cold towards me now. Like I understand, with P dying and everything it changed him...but what am I supposed to do? I need to feel loved and appreciated, It's not fair to me." I vented to my sister in tears. "It's like I lay in the bed with a nigga who doesn't even see me."

I have been there for Divine ever since P died, I've been his rock. His only support system. When his mother kicked him out I was there. I put my life on hold to make sure he was straight in his time of need, and I cant even get an "I love you, Cam. Or thank you for being my shoulder to lean on, I appreciate you" It hurts me.

It's not even just that, he shows no emotion to me at all. And I feel like I'm in love with a brick wall, and that hurts.

"Girl, you know that was his blood brother, not only that but his best friend, P ain't  never coming back that would change anybody. "

"Loren, I literally begged him to tell me he loved me, and he just wouldn't. He wouldn't even say the word 'yes' It's like he didn't want to lie to me, but I wish he did... maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad."

"Girl he loves you, he's taking care of you. He wouldn't be doing none of that if he doesn't love you." Loren stated.

"Girl, he hands me money every two weeks that's not love," I mumbled.

"Well, shit Cam! I don't know then. If you feel like he doesn't love you then he don't, but I'm just telling you what I see! You ain't never wanted for nothing since you moved in with him, hell you even slide me and Mama money from time to time, and we both know you couldn't have done that before. He's taking care of you, if that ain't love I don't know what is."

I rolled my eyes, she wasn't getting it. Divine has always been a provider. He always took care of his people. But I want to feel loved, appreciated and wanted.

Not just another bill. I don't want his money, I want his heart and he doesn't have one anymore.

"You think life is a fuckin' romance movie, shit is not always sweet Cam."

I nodded, "Bye, Loren... I got to go." I hung up and buried my face in the pillow.

I pulled out my phone to tweet my thoughts as usual, hoping Divine would see it and it brings something into perspective.

I love you, but I won't let you use me.

Time

"Thank you, guys. You know you didn't have to get me anything -"

"Girl, hush that noise. We are your family now anything you need you call me or your aunt Goldie." Charlie told me giving me her hand-knitted quilt, and a basket of housewarming gifts. "Congratulations, on your apartment."

I gave her a big hug; she has been nothing but good to me since I came here, and I am grateful for that. Ever since I met her son, Divine on the anniversary of Prodigy's death, I've been thinking about him. Maybe, because he's fine or maybe I was worried about his mental health dealing with the loss of someone so close to him.

I know the death of my dad affected me terribly. But talking about my feelings, and expressing my grief helped. I don't know if he's talking to anyone about it, but I get the sense that he's not. Judging how distant he was at breakfast that day, It's like he was trying to ignore his grief. He had no expression, not even a sad look.. just cold.. blank.

And that worried me.

Maybe the universe knew I was thinking about him because he popped up in the front yard of Charlie's house with stacks of money in his hand. He had on a white tee with a gold necklace laying on his broad chest.  His Nike joggers were worn a little past his waist, and his matching Nike hat was worn backward. He was being careful where he stepped, I guess to protect his pearly white Air Force ones.

For some reason when our eyes met, my stomach burned. I quickly looked away.

"Hey Mama, hey ya'll" He kissed Charlie on the cheek and entered the house

Divine kissed Aunt Goldie, and she grabbed his shoulder as he walked away. After an hour or so of catching up and eating dinner Aunt Goldie made, Divine ended up leaving; he never stays long.

"Bye, Divine!" My mouth spoke before I could think.

He looked back and gave me a head nod, "Be safe!" He yelled back before getting into his Lexus.

His stereo blasted before he sped off, and I wish I would have said more.

authors note: this was such a small chapter lol, my bad. it's just to show Camry's and Time's perspectives on Divine, and how his mental health shows up to them in different ways. anyway on to the next chapter.