Don't Listen In Secret || Joshua Hong

movie night

Jeonghan : it's gone now jihye

i sighed in relief and finally got the courage to open my eyes.

jihye : AARH! YOU SAID IT'S GONE YOON JEONGHAN!

i closed my eyes again as the sight of the ghost sent chills down my spine. i heard the three laugh at me. but i couldn't care less. all i wanted was to survive the night. (A/N let's go the boyz!)

I clutched tightly to jeonghan's sleeve for the rest of the movie. 

jeonghan : you are going to ruin my t-shirt. scoups gifted this to me.

jihye : half of your things are from him anyways  *aah* 

i sulked as he hit the back of my head. but no amount of humiliation could make me let go of him. i circled my arms around his waist tightly and rested my head on his shoulder. he tried to free himself but gave up after a few minutes. i held onto him until the credits started to roll.

joshua : seeing you two makes me wish i had a sister too.

jeonghan : believe me it sucks. 

mingyu : at least my sister calls me oppa. 

jeonghan : stop flexing. i want to exchange sisters with you. 

mingyu : no thanks

jihye : i am still here 

jeonghan : that's the problem 

joshua : stop teasing her. if jihye was my sister i would adore her so much. 

the universe doesn't like it when i am happy for more than 30 seconds. i tried hard not to cry. why? why does it have to be this way? if joshua hong can't like me why do i have to meet him again and again? why am i reminded that he thinks of me as a sister. 

it's torture. it's cruelty. my throat hurts as i hold back my emotions. everything hurts. so much. 

jeonghan : adoring her is like petting a tiger.

jeonghan patted my back as he said that. it was almost as if he could sense that i wasn't feeling well. 

joshua : jihye i need you to help me with something. 

i took a deep breath before letting go of jeonghan and turning to joshua. i was still clutching to jeonghan's sleeve though. i need that for emotional support. 

jihye : what do you want?

it came out sounding a little cold. i tried to keep a friendly look on my face.

joshua : since you are the only young girl i know, i need your advice on something. 

i felt curious. what kind of advice could he possibly want from me?

joshua : yeri's birthday is coming soon and i can't really decide what i should do for her. 

i mad an 'oh' face but that was all the reaction i could give. it was hard to resist the urge to be rude and dramatic. he is just asking me in a friendly way. he is my brother's best friend. i have no right to be mad at him just because of a stupid crush. 

no matter how much i am hurting right now. even if my brain tortures me and i feel like no one would ever love me. even if i want to run away and cry. 

i smiled. 

jihye : well i talk to her sometimes. do you want me to ask her indirectly? 

joshua : can you do that?

jihye : i can do it for you. 

mingyu : why are you so sweet for shua hyung and scowl at me. 

i rolled my eyes. 

mingyu : see!

joshua : that's because you aren't sweet to her either. 

mingyu : jeonghan hyung said we should think of her as a sister so i am treating her like one. 

jeonghan : you don't tease your own sister though 

jeonghan chuckled as mingyu pouted as if it was unfair to him. but i couldn't care less. hearing the word 'sister' so many times in one day was making me go crazy.

jihye : i feel tired, i will go now. 

jeonghan : already?

i nodded. feeling too sick to actually reply. 

joshua : don't forget to talk to yeri 

i nodded again, trying to fake a smile. but inside me i was feeling so so bitter. i hate this world. i wish i could just be mean and shout NO! to his face. but unfortunately, that's not how i was raised. 

mingyu : good night jihye 

i didn't feel the need to reply as i was already out of the door. they will assume i didn't hear him. i made my way up the stairs wearily. instead of going into my room i went straight to the balcony. jeonghan never comes here so it has been my secret spot since middle school. i removed the pots on top of the wooden crate and opened it's lid. it had some drinks that i bought secretly. i took out a can of fruit juice and opened it with a deep sigh while leaning forward with my elbows propped on the railing and my eyes on the dark street below. 

as i gulped down the drink, tears rolled down my face. it was hard to hold on to them anymore so i set them free. i sobbed freely in the late night breeze. my heart was in shatters. i felt pathetic. why can't i get over him no matter how much i try to? 

it's hurting me in every way possible. the worst part is i have no right to be hurt. he doesn't even know me as anything but jeonghan's sister. i have no right to be offended that he asked me to help pick his girlfriend's birthday gift. in fact i have no right to love him. 

i clutched my chest tightly as i broke down completely. i couldn't stop the tears. they kept coming out as if there was an inexhaustible source of sorrow inside me.

? : how long are you going to cry for?