Don't Listen In Secret || Joshua Hong

Right person wrong time

joshua pov:

i watched as jeonghan slammed the door on jihye's face. my heart was still racing. seeing her face first thing in the morning made me so happy that i smiled without even wondering what she was doing so close to me.

is there any other way to explain this bliss i feel just by her presence than love?

it took a while to get over her but i guess i just had to fall for her again. there's no way to avoid it. she has always been the one for me. 

as the sleepiness wore off, i recalled she mentioned going out with mingyu. i sighed. i just want to go to sleep again. at least i can have her in my dreams.

seungcheol: control yourself shua. you scared her.

jeonghan: count yourself lucky i didn't throw you out of the window

joshua: you like me too much to throw away.

jeonghan: stop taking advantage of that.

i debated about it but then i decided to ask jeonghan the question that was troubling me ever since the traumatizing kitchen scene.

joshua: what's up with mingyu and jihye?

jeonghan: they are just friends.

seungcheol: are you sure?

jeonghan: jihye would tell me if it was anything else.

seungcheol: are you sure?

jeonghan: is that your version of i am groot?

scoups really likes to play with his life. i guess jeonghan hasn't noticed the way jihye blushes in front of mingyu. i wish i hadn't noticed either. because it pains me so much to think that she might like someone else. someone who isn't me and someone i can't compete with because he is my friend.

if she already likes mingyu then it's over. all my feelings would just be a burden then. a weight too hard to carry around.

it hurts to even think about. 

and it hurts so much that i can't do anything. she chose to go with mingyu. she chose to hug him. she blushed when he had her between himself and a wall.

perhaps they even kissed.

seungcheol: shua why are you clenching your fists?

joshua: nothing. i am just mad that i couldn't sleep more

seungcheol: you were seeing something romantic weren't you?

i looked around. jeonghan wasn't there and scoups was smirking at me as if he knows everything. he probably guessed but i can't tell him in case he snitches to jeonghan.

joshua: it was quite romantic.

seungcheol: don't be shy tell me the details

i am not shy but i can't tell either. i saw jihye of course. and we were dancing in a flower field. it was so sweet but now that i am awake it feels so sour. 

it's one of the dreams that might never come true.

...

seungcheol: did you book a table?

jeonghan: of course. 

it seems jeonghan and scoups have planned the whole outing already. i have never seen jeonghan so excited about the idea of climbing a hill. 

jeonghan: shua can you get jihye's bag from her room. i asked her and it seems she threw away my old bag.

seungcheol: you two are so weird.

jeonghan: but you like weird people right?

scoups giggled and i just shook my head in disappointment. they will never change. 

it would be my first time going to her room since we watched a movie together that day. every good time we had also had just something going wrong at some point. 

i sighed cursing my luck as i ascended the stairs.

looking for the bag wasn't easy because jihye doesn't seem to be the organized kind. everything was a mess and at some point i found an empty can that reeked of alcohol. 

great. jeonghan knows nothing. 

for all i know she could be dating mingyu already.

eventually, i found the back pack and i was going out of the room when i accidentally bumped into a bookshelf.

a heavy looking book fell off. i was about to pick it up when i noticed white petals that possibly fell from it. i recognized them instantly. it was white peony, jihye's favorite flowers.

i gathered them and opened the book to place them between the pages again. i realized it was a diary and was about to close it when my eyes landed on two words.

dearest joshua.

i froze, my eyes lingered on the word. joshua. why is this addressed to me?

it felt wrong to read someone's diary but i couldn't help it especially when it seemed to be written for me.

so i read it.

and it was a letter. a goodbye letter. i sank down on her bed, with every word the realization felt heavier. she loved me. all this time. and i never realized.

i loved loving you 

- yoon jihye

i was so shaken by it that i didn't even realize when my eyes started to water. how can our fate be so terrible? 

i liked her when she didn't like me. she liked me when i was with yeri. and now i love her again but she doesn't. i am not even sure if there's a chance to win her heart.

what if it's too late?

while i sit here with these new revelations, jihye is with mingyu. probably blushing at his flirtatiousness. 

every right thing happened at the wrong time.

if i could just rearrange the moments maybe we could have fallen for each other at the same time but everything kept going wrong right from our first meeting.

it's so depressing to think.

could god hate the idea of us together so much that he would do that? 

i could give up right now. it's all too impossible. with everything that has happened it seems we were just not meant to be.

but i can't give up.

i can't let her go once again. 

even if this is the wrong time and destiny tries to take her away, i can't give up on her. as long as there is a faint chance that she could still love me, i want to make her fall in love with me again.

but most of all, i want to show her how much i love her and make up for all the times i have hurt her unintentionally.

i am sorry jihye.

i won't be a coward anymore.

even if it means fighting the whole world.

i am not letting you leave me so easily. 

A/N:

the title reminded me of rm.