Don't Listen In Secret || Joshua Hong

Guilty conscience

flashback (3.5 years ago)  joshua pov:

jeonghan: be comfortable. you will come here often after we debut.

joshua: we will debut soon right?

i pouted sadly. we have asked this question to each other hundreds of times but there's never a sure answer. all i know for sure is that jeonghan will be with me no matter what. it's comforting to know that.

jeonghan: of course we will.

i couldn't help but chuckle at jeonghan's confident tone. he is faking the confidence but why should that even matter. of course we will debut. and together for sure.

we were laughing as we talked about random things like seokmin and soonyoung's wedding in the living room when suddenly we heard a scream and turned to look in that direction. my heart dropped when i realized who she was.

jihye was sitting on the stair and looking at us with wide eyes. our eyes met and her face became beet red. jeonghan started laughing at her and she ran upstairs in embarrassment.

joshua: is s-she your sister?

jeonghan: who else could she be? she is my younger sister. you can think of her as a sister too.

i nodded.

i regretted not asking her where she worked when we first met because it seemed that i would never see her again. and now that we meet.. she is jeonghan's sister.

the one he is always overprotective for. the one he said we should never even look at.

jihye didn't come down for even a second. but i caught her staring at me from the stair multiple times during lunch. she looked so adorable hiding behind the hand rails. but i willed myself to not look at her. i didn't want to look at her for too long.

that's a boundary i can never cross.

eventually, jeonghan and i will be in the same group. we will live and work together for life. and by that time, i will come to think of her differently.

maybe even as a .. sister.

even if that feels so wrong.

that's the only right way.

jihye pov:

jihye: YOU CHEATED!

joshua: shhhh! they are sleeping

jihye: you cheated

i whispered aggressively. we had played rock paper scissors to decide who will bring snacks from downstairs and joshua changed his paper to rock as soon as i showed scissors.

we whisper argued for a while and i was too tired to argue more because he wasn't backing up.

jihye: fine i will go

i accepted defeat and joshua chuckled as i gave him a death glare. 

joshua: don't worry i will bring it.

i gave him a look that said 'what were the last 15 min for?' and he shrugged playfully. joshua bought chips and cold drink cans and i started the movie i was about to watch earlier. our hands touched couple of times as we ate the chips but it didn't bother me much. 

i have really come a long way.

now that i think about it, joshua is sitting beside me on my bed at 2 am. my past self would have been unalived by just imagining it. and here i am, not feeling any emotion at all.

we were watching a rom-com movie and joshua's reactions seemed funnier to me than the movie itself. 

it was a classic high school story. the girl liked her childhood best friend and obviously, he never noticed her feelings.