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Chapter 32

Becky had a shit day at work. She was now the interim CEO of Armstrong Industries. She knew next to nothing about how to run a company. She was a nurse. She could easily fix bruised and battered humans but not a multi-billion dollar empire. The daily struggle to learn everything was hectic. Home wasn't any different these days. Freen wasn't talking to her. Lyra never approaches her like she once did every time she came back from work. It was her fault, though it stings. 

Like every day, she wanted to get home and then drown her sorrows at the bottom of a bottle. She was a bit lost in her thoughts but not distracted enough to ignore the sounds of hushed voices coming from the living room.

She slowly walked into the doorway and stopped at the sight of her friends and family sitting on the sofa and chairs. They all attempted some kind of comforting half smile. Panic coursed through her in an instant. 

"Is everything alright?" She couldn't see Freen among them. "Freen?" She called, her voice trembling, fearing the worst.

"I'm here." Freen said, coming into the living room.

Becky released a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding, "Where is Lyra?"

"She is fine. She is with my mum." Freen immediately supplied to ease Becky's worries.

"Then what is going on here?" Becky asked, confused, looking between the different faces.

"Why don't you sit down, Becky?" Heng said, gesturing to an empty seat right beside Freen on the couch. Becky looked between him and Freen in confusion.

"Just sit down, Becky." Richie intervened.

Becky looked at all of them, and finally, her gaze fell on to Freen, who gave her a comforting smile. Becky moved to sit down next to Freen, who offered her hand for Becky to take. She grabbed it, craving the comfort.

"Becky, we your family and friends, we care about you a lot. We are really worried about you." Heng started off.

"Is this your doing?" Becky asked, turning to Freen, disbelief in her eyes.

"No." Freen whispered.

Becky immediately withdrew her hand from Freen's hold, "What the hell did you tell them?" She lashed out. She felt her walls closing in. She felt herself unable to breathe.

Freen glared sideways at her, "I didn't tell them anything. They have eyes, Becky. Everyone can see what is going on, except maybe you." 

Becky scoffs, standing up, "So what is this? A fucking intervention? Well sorry to disappoint but I don't need one." She says and starts to walk away.

"You are not going anywhere until we finish talking." It was Richie, his voice commanding and final.

She frowned, then huffed out a breath, "You are not in charge of me Richie, I don't have to listen to you." 

"No. But I'm your brother. Now sit the fuck down!" 

A part of Becky wanted to disappear, somewhere far, far away from this living room and the people that had gathered there. She glanced at Freen, and it felt like someone had reached into her chest and squeezed her heart in their fist. Freen looked at her with such concern and love. It was so openly written across her face. Whenever she felt not okay, she ran away. Ignored it. Pushed it to the side. Even when Freen nudged her to talk, to share. She couldn't even admit to herself, let alone to the love of her life, how much she suffered, how much she is suffering. That gaze and these thoughts turned her back on to her seat, she sat back down and turned her attention back to the group, resigned. It was embarrassing to be this vulnerable infront of them. But they were her friends, Nam, Noey, Richie, Heng and Freen. No, they were her family. She found comfort in that.

"We know you are struggling. We just want to help you." Nam spoke for the first time.

"I don't need your help. I'm fine." Becky retorted.

"Becky, I went down the same path when I lost my wife. Freen went through the same when she lost Saint. All of us here at one point or another have been through something similar, It's nothing to be ashamed of. You were the one who pulled me back from the dark, you were the one who told me that the first step is to accept. Accept that you are not okay and that you need help." His eyes were misty, but he smiled.

"What do you want me to do?" Becky asked, her voice barely above a whisper. 

"We need you to accept what is going on with you. Then get help." Richie said looking at Becky, who had her head down, not willing to make eye contact with anyone. She was trying her best to hold back her emotions. One look and she knew she would crumble.

"You want me to go to therapy?" She asked flatly.

"If that is what works, then yes."

"I don't see how talking about it is going to help. And I don't even remember most of what troubles me. It's the constant nightmares. This suffocating feeling inside." Becky said clutching her chest and finally letting go of whatever control she had on her emotions. It was painful to see their friend breaking down in front of them. 

Heng cleared his throat, "It's the trauma of that four year old girl who watched her parents die infront of her that is troubling you. When you lost another father figure the same trauma that you buried deep inside, resurfaced. You have to find that little girl and you have to set her free. Otherwise you are going to keep pushing people away at the fear of losing them. "

Freen couldn't handle seeing Becky like this. Becky had always been this strong person in front her and seeing her like that tore her apart. Becky looked up, her eyes wanting to find the one person she knew who could comfort her. Freen had her hands wrapped around herself, equally heartbroken and looking back at her with the same amount of pain in her eyes. 

Richie knelt down infront of her, taking her hands in his, he drew her attention to him, "When my family adopted you, we did nothing to help you. We overlooked the fact that you needed help. So you built up these walls and put yourself in the middle of it, never letting anyone in. Saint became an exception only because you knew he wouldn't ask for more, because he wasn't willing to give you more either without losing Freen." 

Becky let go of his hands and stood up, unable to quiet her mind. It was too much. Everything was too much. Freen remained tense for a few moments before she relaxed and grabbed onto Becky, and took in a few rough breaths, Becky turned to look at her hoping to find some sort of solace in those eyes,

"You once told me love and possession are two different things. But love is commitment. And commitment on some level is possession. We need to be willing to give for us to take. You told me you torn down your walls, but we were still running away. I wanted to come back, but you kept running. I got tired and there started our problems. I can't always try to catch up with you knowing that I will always fall short. Don't do this for me, don't do this for us, do this for Lyra. Our daughter is brilliant, understanding, and love you beyond limits but that doesn't mean she won't be scarred by this."

"You don't want that for your child, do you? You don't want her to be messed up like you are." Heng knew it was harsh, but it was also the truth and he needed to say it.

Becky shook her head no, unable to form any words.

"There is this doctor that we know. She is a friend and she is willing to help." Noey said, giving Becky a hopeful look.

"All you have to do is say the word." Richie added.

Freen wrapped her hands around Becky, letting her intention known that she was never going to give up on her.

"I...I want help." Becky mumbled in between sobs, Freen pulled back at that to look at Becky, giving her a small comforting smile and kissing her forehead.