Shameless, Only For Him

Twenty six

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Dhana Lakshmi

I senselessly walked to my apartment late at night after Puvi was done ruining me. This is not what I craved from Puvi. I wanted to give him love and receive it back from him.

I do possess sexual desires for him but it is secondary when compared to the love I yearned from him.

...this is not my Puvi.

He's gentle, sweet, and cares for me.

This version of him is causing my heart to break into fragments. The way he treats me is unacceptable.

But still, I couldn't stop loving him.

With tears rushing out of my eyes, I locked myself in my room and slid down the door. My body hurts everywhere and I feel...so miserable.

Did I do all of what I had done to earn this...this pain!?

I couldn't believe anything.

My Puvi...why is he doing this to me? I don't understand.

I only want to love him and I'm dying to be loved by him. I've no other motives but he's behaving with me oddly...

He seems to want my body alone.

He even said that he would toss me away once he found me boring...what am I to him? How could he utter such inconsiderate words? My Puvi would never do this...

I couldn't wrap my head around whatever he was thinking.

An excruciating ache swirls within my head as I let myself wander in thoughts. Sniffing, I rub away the tears from my cheeks and fall to the bed. Mom and Dad had called me in the evening and checked in on me.

I never missed them so much as I do now. They said they would come back on Tuesday and asked me to take care of myself.

It's okay Dhana...

I calmed down myself and tried to doze off but a searing pain ran through my private region as I shifted on the mattress. It reminded me of Puvi's merciless pounding. Is he the man I fell in love with??

Distressed, I wailed hard until my mental exhaustion carried me away into the world of nothingness.

On the subsequent morning, the pain between my legs reduced and I prepared myself to attend college.
My downcast mood didn't bother to prepare breakfast and I planned to have it from the college canteen.

Once in the college, I drop by the canteen to have my food before sauntering inside my class where the atmosphere felt very distinct.

None paid any attention to me except Nishanth who was giving me small glances. My friends have completely vacated our bench and have occupied the row just in front. They were happily gossiping with the other girls who despised me.

I was already in a bad state and seeing them do this had me become resentful. I'll show them that I can survive and be just fine without them by my side.

With a stern expression on my countenance, I sat alone on the last row and tried to make conversation with the boys but they ignored me as well...

Why?

What did I do to them!?

Before I could confront them, a professor came inside the class. He began to take attendance and while he called my name, my classmates gave me rather nasty looks. The girls cackled while the boys threw me stoic ones...

What is happening here?

Overwhelmed, I rock my legs back and forth as emotions bubble within me, asking me to let them out.

I'm not permitting them out.

I'm a strong girl!

I gulp and strain my eyes on the professor who writes down the question of an accounting problem. He asks us to solve it on our own and I twist the pen in my hand after penning down the problem on my notebook, trying my best to resolve it...

Even after a prolonged time, I couldn't figure out anything of the problem. "Why haven't you solved it?" My heart thuds at the professor's voice. He's standing to my side and coldly looks at me.

"I was trying to do it..." He frowns at me disdainfully. "It's been more than twenty minutes and you haven't even completed half of the problem. Who are you trying to fool!?" His harsh tone withered my insides.

"I'll give you five more minutes. Complete it before I come back," he orders and moves away, checking the notes of the other students.

My friends have always supported me in studies by letting me copy their notes...

I really have no idea how to solve it.

I'm not on good terms with Santhya and Raji...but Mathi would help me.

I hope she does.

With hesitation, I call her name. She turns around and quirks her eyebrows rudely. "Yes beauty queen, need something?" I blink at the mockery that lingers within her voice.

But I really need assistance now. The professor is nearing us.

"Can you give me your note?" I ask hastily. "No," I was taken aback by her response. "Why not?" I question in panic.

"Why should I? Sir asked us to solve the problem on our own. Were you daydreaming about your Puvi when he said that?" Raji and Santhya who sat beside Mathi chuckles at her words.

Meanwhile, I was becoming tensed, furious, and disheartened at the pathetic situation I was stuck in.

"Mathi...this is not the time to play," I press while she just laughs at my face.
"Who said I'm playing, beauty queen? I'm being serious here. For once in your life, try to do something on your own instead of feeding off other's hard work," her comment made me tear up.

"Others...you are my friend Mathi," she regards me with an annoyed expression. "Do you even know the meaning of 'friend'? Well, I don't think considering the way you spoke to Raji," She snarls before swirling around.

I attempted to blink back the tears but it was hard to regulate them. "Why haven't you still done the problem?" The professor questions loudly, frightening me with his icy eyes.

"I don't know..." I mumble lowly which seems to cause him more irritation. "You don't know this simple problem!?" I shake my head at him.

"How would you when you barely attend the class!? Henceforth, before bunking the classes, think about the hard-earned money your parents invest in your studies. And now, get out of here," he angrily puts forward and with tears streaming down my eyes, I stumble out of the class.

The bell rang within fifteen minutes and as I, with tear-stained cheeks ambled inside the class, witnessed the mocking and sympathetic smiles of all of my classmates.

I don't want to be here.

Humiliated, I hurriedly pack my things when I heed Mathi's words. "Aw...are you hurt?" I throw her an angry look.

"Just how good it feels to see you cry, damn..." What?

"It's peaceful without you, Dhana. And I'll give you some words of wisdom before we end our friendship officially," she tilts her face as she smiles.

"Having a beautiful body and face is worthless when you don't have anything in here..." She knocks her fingers to her head, tearing me apart by her cruel words.

"Oh and...I forgot to tell you something very important. Do you remember our group chats where we talked about the boys in our class? You must do as you said a lot about them than any of us..." I freeze as realization dawns within me.

"So accidentally I leaked that chat to Jebin and that guy spread it in the boys' group," She shakes her head, feigning sadness.

"How unfortunate," she makes a fake concerned sound and walks off while I, in embarrassment, bow down my head and swiftly rush out of the class.

This is absolutely bashful.

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