Shameless, Only For Him

Thirty

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No sad ending guys! Puvi and Dhana are end game♥️

Dhana Lakshmi

I had lost myself completely the previous night when his hands and mouth came down on me with such fiery. I didn't want to go to him after what had transpired in his office...but I was distressed and couldn't find anyone else to share my worries with.

Thus I, with a meager faith in Puvi, went to him at night. I wanted to open up to him but couldn't refuse when he desired me.

In the end, I felt soulless. I couldn't find anything in me. Nothing more than my body seemed to be there. I wondered why I had a soul when all he wished to have was my body? Yet I couldn't despise him, not in the slightest could I love him any less...

I was pathetic, I'm aware.

But I couldn't stand it anymore.

There was a deep despair in me, it kept rising until I fell asleep that night. On the subsequent day, I didn't want to attend college, I knew no one was there for me, and even worse, everyone loathes me.

I thought I was strong enough to survive alone but I was wrong...

I desperately needed someone to rely on and the only option that appeared plausible was the Doctor who gently spoke to me even when I acted rudely.

Hence as the first thing, I drove my scooter to the hospital and met with him. I begged him to not inform this to Puvi and he assured me that he wouldn't.

He was careful, he listened to everything I said keenly...and it was hard providing the information of my body being used but I couldn't stop myself from leaking that to him. I didn't mention it explicitly about how torturous it was yet he understood what I meant.

He consoled me and spilled advice that I wouldn't have entertained in any other circumstances. I was down and his words were comforting...

And finally, he asked me to do something that I never before had considered essential in my life.

"Would you follow it If I were to ask you to focus on your studies, Dhana Lakshmi?" He had implored, softly.

"...but I don't understand anything," he had smiled.

"Ask someone for help, or try to attend tuition," I nodded at him because I wanted to study.

So far, I've passed all the exams only because my friends let me copy during the examinations. The fact that I passed with good marks didn't raise guilt within me for the Rs. 60,000 that my parents pay for a year...

But forthwith, If I didn't study, I wouldn't pass. My friends have given up on me and the one person for whom I'd given up everything else in my life didn't love me either.

There's no point in running behind him anymore. He taught me how worthless I was, the exception being my body.

I love him, still.

I'll love him, always.

But I'd to be away from him to protect my sanity. I'm okay with being the side character in his life. I wasn't meant to be the main character. I'd forcefully taken the spot of my sister and God didn't just throw me into the trash for what I'd done but caused me to feel like one...

These three days had changed the view I had on this world.

My world...it is Puvi.

(Puvi means world in Tamizh)

He was who I perceived as my world, my life revolved around him, and my life moved forward in the hope of being his wife, taking care of him, and showering him the love he missed. However, he made me understand how stupid I was.

He's still strong in my heart but I don't want him. I'd lost myself while trying to earn his love...I'm afraid I would become insane If he is to continue to treat me like a toy.

Hence I came to a stable decision now. I'll love him from afar and try to live my life without him. It was difficult but I had to do this.

At the end of the counseling session with the doctor, he became a friend to me. We exchanged numbers and he asked me to call him If I need someone to talk to.

Before exiting his cabin, I pleaded with him to not spill anything I'd said to Puvi and he ensured me with, "What happens here, stays between us," he had smiled at me warmly.

Coming out of his cabin, I didn't know where to go. My parents said they would come by evening and I didn't want to be alone in my apartment until then. Thus I aimlessly drove my scooter on the road, gathered peace through the wind that blew across my face, and washed away the tears that splattered out to my cheeks.

It felt good.

Although plain illogical, in the pitiful state I was, I supposed nature was rubbing away my tears and being there for me.

Perhaps, nature indeed was on my side. I believe that was how I ended up in the temple I'd never been before. Those soulful sounds that rang from the bell dragged my attention and pulled me to the sacred place.

It was serene being there.

Seeing me in tears, the Iyer in the temple came to relax me. When I didn't open up and only wailed, he expressed, "Let your burden at the feet of God ma," It struck my insides and I found myself melting at the feet of God even though I was furious on the divinity for lending me such pain.

But I asked for it, didn't I?

Those mantras weren't just ink, it was my essence. I'd wholeheartedly wished for it to happen and it did come true.

I'd Puvi.

And God made me realize that I didn't want him though I love him.

It isn't necessary to get everything we love. Sometimes, what we love is not what we want. It's not good for us, God knew it better than anyone and maybe that's why he kept me away from Puvi all along?

But whatever had happened didn't have the power to dim the love that I possessed for him.

I prayed for his wellness and sat there numbly until I saw Puvi's face in front of me. His revelation was heart-wrenching but I wasn't angry with him. I took it all upon myself. If I hadn't intruded between the two who planned their life together, nothing would have gone wrong.

I wouldn't be in so much pain now.

I wouldn't have turned my gentle Puvi so heartless. But If he didn't turn as such, I wouldn't have learned my lesson. The cost I offered for it was expensive and precious.

It was my soul that he plucked out of me in exchange for this long-lasting lesson.

I am not sure If I will have it again.

"I'll go...Puvi," I stutter to Puvi who has an unreadable look on his face as he watches me. I would have read it If I wasn't mentally exhausted.

Gulping, I attempted to brush away the tears from my cheeks, but I recognized I didn't have to.

Nature was again by me, this time, sobbing along with me.

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