Shameless, Only For Him

Twenty eight

Vote and comment🦋

Tuesday 3.20 am

Puvi

What am I even doing?

...she is completely withered. Her naked self is distraught and the reason is nothing but me. Still, she's holding onto my hand as she sleeps soundlessly.

Why?

Why isn't she leaving me even when it hurts her?

I could see it, I could feel her hurting but she didn't leave. She keeps coming back to me. She's giving herself to me even when she's aware of the fact that I'm treating her like a sex doll.

What kind of love does she possess over me to endure this torture?

It's stupid.

It's concerning.

And I feel worse.

What is even the point of this revenge? I wanted to see her experience the pain I underwent...but I can't stand it anymore. After what occurred in the noon, I thought she would despise me and go away.

Yet she came to me in the night and propelled me to become outraged. What took place afterward was an hour-long furious sex...

Where is this leading? I don't get it.
She's prompting me to go insane. I don't want to avenge her henceforth.

I don't want to hurt her.

I run a finger down her lips and place a feather kiss over them.

...it's illogical to inflict her pain. What she did to get me was wrong but it doesn't justify what I've caused her in return in the name of revenge.

Self-reflecting my actions, I could only conclude that I acted recklessly and made sick decisions. Now I'm sane again and I feel disgusted by what I'd done.

This isn't me. In these three days, I've let myself become someone I despised to the core. It reminded me of a person I didn't want to remember. What's the difference between her and me now?

In the end, I still became like her.

I've ruined Dhana.

I should have stayed calm when Mugil broke up with me. I shouldn't have acted hastily. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have hurt my Dhana to this extent.

Feeling guilty, I pull her into my arms. 

I won't leave her...

She's given herself to me and I'm not going to betray her. I'll take accountability for what I'd done to her...I'll seek her forgiveness.

I press a kiss to her forehead and stare at her face silently.

She's...really beautiful.

Why haven't I noticed it before?

Unintentionally, I peck a kiss on her mouth when her eyelids divide, and gazes at me gloomily.

She doesn't say anything. She quietly closes her eyelids and spreads her legs apart.

My heart stings at that action.

God...what have I done!?

"Dhana ma..." she doesn't open her eyes but tears leave through them.
"I...don't want to be here. I want to go to my apartment," she mumbles in a hoarse voice.

"No, sleep here Dhana. You're tired," she lifts the veils of her eyes and looks at me dejectedly. "Please..." Unable to refuse her pleadings, I nod at her.

She, with difficulty, lifts herself off the bed and wears her clothes. She doesn't spare me a glance as she limps out of the room...

As realization hits me, I quickly wear my shorts and rush outside. "Dhana," she pauses in the lounge. Reaching near her, I lift her in my arms softly. Her lips tug down as she peers at me. "I can't anymore..." My chest hardens at her words.

"I don't want to have sex, Dhana," she relaxes.

As I carried her out to her apartment with unhurried steps and placed her on the mattress, I found that she was already asleep. I spot a kiss against her forehead and watch her for a while before dropping myself on the chair beside her mattress.

I scramble my hands through my hair, thinking back to how merciless I was with her. She bore all the pain and never said a word in between.

Why?

I couldn't figure it out.

I do know people in love behave crazily. But would they act as such as Dhana? I don't think so.

It's abnormal.

Distressed, I leaned back on the chair and sat there, reckoning all of what'd done to her.

Fuck...

An hour later, I shuffled to my apartment and struggled to doze off. As a result, around 9.30 am, I awakened and as soon as I did so, I got down from the bed and rushed to Dhana's apartment.

But it was locked from the outside.

Right, she must have gone to her college. I need to talk to her and apologize for what I did to her...

Would she even accept it...I'm not sure. Restlessly, I passed my time in the office and tried contacting Dhana but she didn't pick up.

She must be indignant with me, she ought to be...

In the evening, when I was about to take off from the office, Thamara aunt called me.

The information she splattered out had me frozen in place.

She said that Dhana was not back home yet. They tried contacting her friends but they claimed that she didn't attend college. Worse is that she didn't even take her phone with her...

"She'll be fine aunt...I'll look for her, don't panic," I try my best to not become rash myself as I attempt to console Thamara aunt.

Yet inside, I was beyond perturbed.

Where has Dhana gone!?

_____________________________