Shameless, Only For Him

Thirty four

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Dhana Lakshmi

Perching on my seat alone, I facepalmed myself and tried to not think about Puvi, but it was impossible!

He had confessed to me...something I've been craving to heed from him for years. And now that he had actually proposed to me, I am rather confused. I couldn't feel the joy entirely; it was prevented by the arms of mistrust that tugged me back protectively, striving to shield me from experiencing yet another betrayal.

Though I sensed sincerity in his words, I couldn't believe him, and neither could I forgive him. I don't want him...even when the shattered fragments of my heart beg otherwise.

I love him, I'll always do.

And it's quite concerning.

I might give in If I keep seeing him around. Hence I've planned to go to a hostel for my higher studies. There's still almost two years for me to wrap up this course and so, until then, I'll stay away from him as much as I can.

I'll love him quietly from afar...

Sighing a breath out, I uncover my face. His confession is inducing hope in me that I could live with him happily but I'm not strong enough to face another backstabbing...from the man I love.

I'll let it be. Now my only wish is to study and then move out of my home, away from Puvi. He's not good for my sanity.

Unzipping my new backpack, I pick out two long books where I'd been exercising financial problems. My efforts were paying off little by little but it would be good If I had someone to tutor me. It again reminds me of Puvi.

The way he embraced me the last night, the way he touched his forehead with mine, everything felt so natural. The gentleness in his eyes had me become fluffy insi-

God, I should stop thinking of him. Shaking my head, I begin to concentrate on my books. While I was indulging in it, my classmates started to flood in the classroom. I don't mind them; I don't even perk up.

On the last day, I'd tried to talk with Jebin but he avoided me with a glare. I was embarrassed to approach him henceforth. Thus I said sorry to him and sat back in my seat.

I contacted the doctor and informed him about it and he advised me that it was alright and I should continue to proceed with the mission the next day. To be very honest, I don't have the guts to continue this, nor do I think anyone would even consider to be my friend again...

Thus I sat rooted to my place and somehow pushed the first two hours. It was tough being alone. But it was more heartbreaking to see everyone around me chatting with their friends and laughing aloud. It causes tears to gather in my eyes and to conceal it, I drop my head on the desk and cage myself from spectators' view.

As the chit-chat and pleased noises of my classmates begin to enter my ears, I raise myself to get out of the class when Nishanth appears in front of me. He places a small paper cup on the desk, stunning other students.

The gossip increases as time ticks by and the boys were calling him names and cackling at him for he had brought me coffee. Not caring about them, Nishanth looks at me and speaks up, "Drink," he moves the cup near me and I reluctantly grab it in my hold.

"Aren't you indignant with me?" I ask lowly. "I'm...but I couldn't bear watching you be alone and sorrowful all the time..." He trails off and that prompts a small smile to pull at my lips.

At least someone cared...

"I'm sorry Nishanth...I really am," I apologize genuinely. "It's okay," he responds and I pat the seat next to me, impliedly asking him to recline beside me.

With mild hesitation, he obliges.

Neglecting the mocking laughter and chats, I rather pay attention to Nishanth. "You said I'm your dog...it wasn't it. I wanted to treat you well. I cared for you. I liked you the moment I saw you and...wanted to date you. That's why I kept on helping you even when I knew you were taking advantage of me," his words made me feel guilty and I slightly bowed my head, bashed.

"I'm sorry..." I say again but he dismisses it. "No, don't be...it was my fault as well. I should've moved on the moment I realized you were using me. Yet I didn't. I hauled away my self-respect to somehow get your love but I soon understood that everything has a limit. Though I still have a liking towards you, I won't be a dog to you anymore..." His comment propelled me to recall the way I'd behaved with Puvi until a few days ago.

I was a dog to him as well. Blinded by love, I'd forgotten to save my dignity.

"I'll treat you good forthwith. I'll be a better version of myself. I'll do all my work on my own...um...could you please be my friend, Nishanth?" he stares at me silently.

"Trust me...I know it's hard but please..." I gulp, not wishing to shed tears. Perhaps, he noted my overwhelmed state, he nodded positively and forwards his hand.

"Friends," placing the coffee mug on the desk, I shake his hand. "Friends!" I made a friend! I smile at him while he returns a tight-lipped one.

"Um, Nishanth, can you tutor me on the subjects? I've been trying to learn on my own for days. But I've so many doubts," I complain to him as I flip the pages of the rough book where I'd done the problems.

"You tried all of this?" I nod vigorously at his surprised tone.

"That's...a promising start," he puts forth as he adjusts his spectacles and goes through the financial problems I'd done in the book.

"Would you come to my apartment after the class? I...can pay you If you want..." His head whips in my direction. "Pay? Friends don't do that, Dhana. Just message me your address. I'll be there at 6.30 pm," a wide smile stretches my lips at his words.

Then he goes through my book and booms.

"...what have you done here? This is utterly wrong!" My smile falters at the frown he throws my way...

Oh, he's rather an irked tutor.

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