Try Me Bitch (Vigilante Deku)

The Art of Annoying Nezu

As we shuffled into the auditorium, my mind was still reeling from the insanity of the day so far. Flying pigs? Really? I knew UA was famous for being a bit... unconventional, but this was on a whole other level.

The auditorium was just as grand as I remembered it from the entrance exam, though the memory of that nerve-wracking day was far from comforting. I found myself a seat near the back, trying to blend in. The last thing I wanted was to draw any more attention after my "eventful" morning.

But then again...

Maybe I was a bit too good at doing exactly that.

Present Mic: ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP, PEEPS! THE PRINCIPAL'S GONNA GIVE YOU A LITTLE WELCOME, SO TRY NOT TO FALL ASLEEP, OKAY?

He shouted as if we weren't all in the same room. As if he hadn't already caused my ears to ring earlier. But before I could mentally complain more about that, the doors at the front of the room swung open, and in walked Principal Nezu, looking as calm and collected as ever. His little mouse-dog-bear face radiated that familiar, unsettling grin.

This was the guy running the entire school? 

The genius mastermind?

The lunatic I met already and didn't wanted to meet again?

Maybe UA was the wrong choice?!

Well, at least he was small. How much trouble could he cause?

HAHAHAH

He could destroy the entire world. I was sure about that.

Nezu climbed up onto the podium, tapping the microphone with his paw before addressing us in that chipper, high-pitched voice of his.

Nezu: Good morning, future heroes! I am Nezu, your principal, and I am delighted to welcome you to U.A. High School!

His voice was polite, almost cheerful, but I could sense the sharpness underneath. This little critter was probably already analyzing each and every one of us, figuring out our strengths and weaknesses before we even had the chance to blink.

Nezu: Here at U.A., we believe in nurturing not just your quirks, but your minds and spirits as well! You will be challenged in ways you have never imagined, and through these challenges, you will grow stronger, wiser, and more capable of becoming the heroes our society needs.

I could almost feel the rehearsed nature of his speech, the way his words were perfectly crafted to inspire and motivate but for me it was boredome in a 100% shot. The students around me seemed to be eating it up, nodding along with his every word.

But I? I had other plans.

Nezu continued to speak about the school's history, the importance of hero ethics, and the rules we'd be expected to follow. It was all standard stuff, but my mind was already wandering. I was getting bored.

Nezu: Now, before I finish, does anyone have any questions?

He asked with that infuriatingly calm smile, fully expecting the usual "no, sir" from the crowd. But today was not a day for "usual."

This was the moment.

The moment to test the limits of my new life here at UA.

Screw being a wallflower. 

Today, I had a better idea and decided to throw out the being in the shadow plans.

He scared the shit out of me earlier and this was about to be payback for it.

My hand shot up before I even knew what I was going to say. The second it happened, I saw Nezu's eyes lock onto me, curiosity sparking behind them.

Nezu: Yes, young man? What's your question?

Me: Uh, yeah. So, Principal Nezu, if you're, like, a super genius and all... why haven't you solved world hunger yet? Or, you know, created world peace? Seems like you'd have that covered by now, right? Or do you perfer world domination?

The room went dead silent. Nezu's smile twitched ever so slightly, and I swear I saw Present Mic suppress a laugh in the corner of my vision.

Nezu: Well, you see, solving world hunger and creating world peace are very complex issues that require more than just intellect. They involve—

Me: But like, you're super smart, right? I mean, you're basically running a school full of kids with the potential to destroy cities and the whole world. You got an army at hand. So, why not just make a giant robot to, I dunno, distribute food everywhere? Or make everyone nice?

I could hear some of my classmates snickering, and that only fueled me more. Nezu seemed a bit taken aback, but he quickly recovered, his smile returning in full force.

Nezu: Ah, well, creating such a robot would be a logistical challenge, and it would take resources that even I don't have access to. And as for making everyone nice... Well, human nature is a bit more complicated than that.

Me: Yeah, but what if you just, like, made everyone take a nap? People are always nicer after a good nap. Have you tried that? Or just make them afraid of you? They always be nice towards people they fear. You seem like a run away Animatronic anyways.

Oh shit...

Did I just say that?

What the hell... where did the courage come from?

The room was now a mix of muffled laughter and confused stares. I was loving this.

Nezu was doing his best to remain composed, but I could see the gears turning in his little brain. He was probably wondering if I was serious or if this was some kind of elaborate prank.

Nezu: While naps are indeed beneficial, I'm afraid they wouldn't solve the underlying issues of global conflict. But it's a... creative suggestion.

He was starting to sweat a little now, I could tell. Time to go in for the kill.

Me: So, like, if you're such a genius, what's your plan for when, you know, aliens invade? Cause I'm pretty sure that's gonna happen eventually. Do we have a plan for that? Are we getting trained for that? What if our brains are gonna be brainwashed and all?

Nezu blinked. Twice. I swear, I almost saw him glitch for a second. He quickly regained his composure, though.

Nezu: Well, young man, I assure you that we at U.A. are prepared for a wide variety of threats, both domestic and extraterrestrial. However, I cannot divulge all of our strategies. Let's just say we have contingency plans in place.

He was trying to sound confident, but I could see right through it. I had him on the ropes.

Me: Right, right. So, what you're saying is... we're winging it, huh? Just gonna figure it out as we go?

This time, I wasn't the only one laughing. The whole room was now filled with chuckles and giggles, even some of the more serious-looking students couldn't help but crack a smile.

Present Mic was full-on cackling now, clutching his stomach and leaning against the wall for support. The other teacher were defnitely not better.

Nezu, on the other hand, was still smiling, but I could tell he was mentally recalculating everything he thought he knew about me.

Nezu: We always have plans, young man. But sometimes, improvisation is key to victory.

Touché, rat. Touché.

But I wasn't done yet.

Me: So, just one more thing. Do you think, like, we could have a support course prank day every week? I mean, flying pigs were pretty cool, but I was thinking more like, flying sharks next time? Or make a shark tornado. Or, ooh, maybe an army of tiny robots that deliver snacks? You know, for morale.

By this point, the class was in stitches. Even Nezu looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Nezu: I'll... take it under advisement. Now, unless there are any more questions, I believe it's time to wrap things up.

He was definitely done with me, but I had made my point. I mean I just made him sweat and quite a bit surprised. If this wasn't getting me on his hitlist, I don't know what. I was definitely regretting what I did a bit.... but hey, it felt good doing this. So no hate towards my stupid ass for getting all the attention here